#It has taken one million years to write lol

[bucketsofmonsters]

Hunting Season

cw: trophy hunting of sentient creatures, severe leg injury, oral sex, fingering, thigh humping

fem jackalope hybrid x afab reader

Word count: 8k

You hated hunting season. You moved out here, all the way to the woods, to escape people and yet every year they came, the worst people you could possibly imagine. Every summer stupid men came into your forest with their guns and their traps and every year it infuriated you. You wouldn’t be so mad if they were hunting for food, that you understood, but almost all of them were trophy hunters. 

You set off on your daily ritual of trying to set off all the traps they’d set this morning so no one would get caught in them. 

Your head jerked up as the sound of distant wailing pierced through the quiet of the forest. You took off. If you’d heard it, then it was only a matter of time before someone else did. 

As you got closer to the noise, you realized that it sounded human and you cursed, knowing a hybrid had gotten stuck in one of their traps. 

You approached slowly, making sure no one else was around. Your relationships with the hunters were already strenuous. They knew you were setting off all of their traps, if they knew you were also setting their prey free… well, you weren’t sure what they might do but you were certain it wouldn’t be good.

The first thing you saw, hidden away amongst the leaves, was a set of antlers. They poked up above the foliage as you crept up slowly. 

Through the leaves you saw a girl, around your age, with a pair of long fluffy ears that were tucked down behind her antlers overtop her mousy hair. The flattened ears matched her terrified expression, her cheeks wet with tears as she kept desperately clawing at her leg. 

You didn’t even think jackalope hybrids existed, thought they were an urban legend hunters told each other about. And yet there she was, panicked and crying and very much real. 

As you began to approach, her big ears perked up. They were nestled behind her antlers, her nose twitching as you moved through the foliage. 

Big, teary brown eyes met your own as you emerged from your hiding spot. As soon as she saw you she tugged urgently at her leg, which was wedged firmly between the teeth of the metal trap. The only thing she succeeded in was getting digging the metal further into her flesh as she desperately tried to pull away. 

You took a step back in an attempt to get her to stop moving. “Hey, I’m not here to hurt you but if you keep moving like that you’re going to hurt yourself even worse. 

She tried to thrash away from you, muttering no to herself as she was painfully rooted in place. 

“You need my help to open this kind of trap, just please stay still,” you pleaded with her. 

She listened, freezing in place, wet eyes looking expectantly at you as you edged closer. 

As soon as you were within reach you got to work compressing the springs on either side of the trap to free her. After a few substantial pushes the trap fell open and you quickly latched it that way before pushing it away from the both of you. 

The poor girl immediately tried to stand up and collapsed, her injured leg not allowing her to put any weight on it. You went down with her, pulling her arm over your shoulder to help her stand. “There you go, sweetheart, just lean on me. That’s it, there you go.”

She eagerly leaned into your side, putting almost all of her weight on you. There was no attempt to fling herself away this time and you weren’t sure if it was because you’d earned her trust or because she’d realized she had no other options. 

Either way, you needed to get her to safety, and fast. 

Your pace was slower than you would have liked. You’d have preferred to attempt to carry her but you got the distinct feeling that would spook her even further.

Luckily you weren’t too far from your cabin and you managed to make your way back without encountering anyone. 

You pulled her through the door, quickly shutting it behind you, closing her off from any prying eyes. If anyone saw her, you weren’t sure there was anything you could do to stop them. 

“You’re helping me?” She said it like she couldn't quite believe it, like she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. You had a feeling only time would take away that instinct. There wasn’t anything you could say to make it go away right now, it was too ingrained in her. 

The most you could do was help her with gentle hands and a soft voice. 

“Yup. Come on, up here.” You shifted her onto your bed, the blood from her injured leg seeping into the sheets. 

You cursed under your breath as you realized that all that was left of your first aid supplies was an old roll of gauze and a half empty box of bandaids. Certainly not enough to fix this. You grabbed some vodka and a clean rag, determined to do the best you could to sanitize it before wrapping it up, or at least to remove some of the grime it was currently covered in. 

The wound was barely visible, clots of blood and dirt streaked across her, spread everywhere from her writhing on the ground. 

“This is going to hurt,” you warned her as you soaked the cloth, hoping she understood that this had to be done. 

She drew back a little back a little before nodding and grabbing a handful of your sheets in preparation as you knelt by her injured leg. 

The little shriek she let out as the vodka soaked rag touched her wounds broke your heart. You were going to string those hunters up the second you got the chance. 

The more blood and dirt you pulled away, the better you could to see the gashes in her leg. They were even worse than you’d imagined. She’d clearly been trying to pull herself out for a while before you got there. 

“Really hurts,” she whimpered out.

“I know hun, but we have to get you cleaned up. I promise I’ll be quick, we’re almost done.”

You dabbed at her wounds as gingerly as you could, trying to distract her from the pain by talking while you cleaned her up.

“Your english is really good.”

She swayed back and forth a little, a proud smile crossing her face. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I know very little about your language, I’ve looked but it’s very hard to find anything about it.”

“Secret,” she said with a wince.

“Oh, is it? I had no idea.”

You’d left the worst part for last but you’d run out of opportunities to avoid it. 

Too nervous to get near it, you opted instead to empty what was left of the bottle onto her leg. As you did, she grabbed your unoccupied hand, squeezing it as hard as she could. 

The bottle ran empty and you looked up to see her with her eyes shut tight and her jaw clenched. 

You stood up to go get the gauze you had left and she tentatively opened one eye at the sound of your retreat. At the sight of her bloody leg she promptly shut it again. You couldn’t blame her, it was hard for you to look at and it wasn’t even your blood. 

You grabbed the old gauze from inside your half forgotten first aid kit and promised yourself that soon you’d go into town and gather more supplies so next time you needed it you’d be prepared. 

Your heart sank at the thought of there being a next time, at the idea that no matter how hard you tried, you could never stop this from happening. 

That there would always be some you couldn’t get to in time. 

You shook the thought out of your head. Worrying about them wouldn’t fix anything. All you could do was care for the one you’d managed to save. 

“Do you have a name?”

She nodded, her ears shifting as she did. “Posy.”

“Well, Posy, you should get some rest. I’ve gotta go out for a while but you’ll be safe in here.”

She glanced around the room nervously, eyes grazing over the furniture. She must have found her surroundings satisfactorily safe because after a few moments she fell backwards onto the bed, nestling into the blankets. 

Despite the fact that she seemed content, you were hesitant to leave her alone. The only thing that managed to send you out that door was the thought that she might not be the only one. 

Night was falling but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You knew these woods more than well enough to navigate in the dark and god knows you wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, you knew your mind wouldn’t stop racing long enough to allow you to rest. 

You set off the rest of the traps you could find before returning home, breaking and displacing all the ones that you could. They’d already done far more damage than you would have liked. 

Thankfully, every trap you came across was untripped. You already felt in over your head, you weren’t sure you could take care of any more injured creatures. 

You half expected her to be gone when you got back. 

Instead, she was out cold on the bed, curled up around a pillow she was hugging close to her chest.  She was lit up by the rays of the sunrise creeping through the gaps in your drawn curtains. 

She jerked awake at the sound of the door closing. She tried to bolt upright before being stopped by a painful reminder of why she was in your bed in the first place.

She pulled her legs up towards her, tucking them into herself and inspecting the bloody bandages she had wrapped around her calf. 

“How’re you feeling,” you asked, careful to keep your distance so you didn’t scare her even more. 

“Bad.”

You nodded solemnly. “Yeah, it’s going to be like that for a while, you hurt yourself pretty badly. But it’ll heal, I’ll make sure you’ll be okay, you don’t have to worry.”

Her head cocked to the side and she studied you from her position on the bed. 

“Do you want something to eat?” you asked as she surveyed you. 

She nodded hesitantly. 

Her big eyes watched you carefully as you put a pot on the stove, lighting the fire under it. She moved closer, hopping so as not to put weight on her injured leg and quickly settling in on the floor, positioning herself so she was eye level with the flame.

“Be careful, don’t burn yourself,” you called back as you grabbed a can of soup from the pantry, sticking to something with vegetables in it and hoping that jackalope hybrid’s diets weren’t too dissimilar from bunny hybrids. 

“I’m not stupid.” She pouted at you before returning to her fire watching. “How did you make fire so fast?”

She chose her words slowly and intentionally, working her way through the question while you busied yourself with heating up the soup for the two of you, letting her figure out the words in her own time. 

“Um, there’s gas in the stove and the knob makes a little spark that lights it.”

“Gas?”

“Mmhmm.”

“It’s warm in here all night.” It was more of a statement than an observation but you understood what she was asking. 

“Yeah, that’s because of a fire too, it’s a heating system. What do you guys normally do at night?”

“We stay close and sheltered.”

“Well, we’re sheltered here, and we’re pretty close.”

She shook her head. “No, closer.”

“Like cuddling?”

Posy nodded. 

“How do you speak English so well?”

“I learned. We all did.”

“Why?”

“To talk our way out of trouble. If you can’t escape, make them like you. Buys time.”

“You know you don’t have to do that with me, right? You can say or do whatever you want to, I’m going to take care of you either way.”

“Why?”

“It’s the decent thing to do. Unfortunately for you, decency is not a universal trait but I promise, no harm will come to you here. Be as much of a little shit as you want.”

She scrunched up her nose as she smiled. “Challenge accepted!”

“Not quite how I meant it.”

She ignored you in favor of staring at the stove as you worked around her. 

Eventually, you broke her little hypnotic spell as you announced, “Food’s done. Do you like tea?”

She shrugged. “What is it?”

“It’s good, you should try it.”

You couldn’t exactly ask her how she liked her tea so instead you opted to put some sugar in it and hope for the best. 

“Do you need help?” you asked as you looked down at her sitting on the floor. 

“With what?”

“With moving to the table. Come on, I’ll…”

“No. Stay here.”

You weren’t sure if she actually wanted to stay on the ground or if the thought of you helping her up wounded her pride. Either way, you weren’t going to fight her on it. 

“Alright. Is this seat taken?” you asked, gesturing at the floor next to her.

She shook her head with a giggle and you settled down next to her, setting two bowls of soup and two mugs of tea on the floor. 

She took a sip out of the mug and scrunched up her nose.

“Too hot.”

“Well, you have to let it cool down first. The soup should be better, I didn’t bring it to a full boil”

She picked up the bowl, ignoring the spoon in favor of sipping directly from it. 

“What is this?” she asked, giving it a curious look. 

“It’s just soup, I get it from the store when I go out.”

“Store?”

“Yeah, it’s where I go to get food.”

“You don’t make it. What do you do with all your forages?”

“Oh, I don’t forage.”

She seemed baffled by this revelation. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t really know how.”

“You live here? And you don’t know how?” she asked incredulously.

“Hey, I’m not stupid either, I just never needed to learn. We all have blind spots.”

“You should learn. This is disgusting.”

“Sorry, but I’m afraid you’re gonna be eating a lot of this stuff until I can get you back on your feet.”

She made no attempt to mask her pout and you couldn’t help but laugh as you added, “Just think of it as motivation to get better faster.”

She didn’t seem convinced by your arguments but was too hungry to care. She practically inhaled her food, despite her less than glowing review regarding its taste. 

The tea was more of a hit, her first sip not leaving her questioning your survival skills at the very least. 

After a few more tastes she announced, “This is fine.”

“I’m glad it’s to your liking.”

And honestly, you really were. You were incredibly happy to see her settling in, the jumpiness from before all but gone. 

She looked up from an empty bowl, clutching a still warm mug in her hands. “What now?”

“I don’t normally have guests, I don’t really know how all of this works. Do you want to watch a movie?” It felt like an absurdly pedestrian thing to ask someone who’d almost been hunted for sport the day before but you got the sense she’d appreciate the distraction. 

“What’s a movie?”

“I can show you, c’mon, they’re over here.”

You didn’t have any real service out here in the woods, but what you did have was an old tv and a box of vhs tapes. They were all grainy and in black and white but if she didn’t even know what a movie was, you couldn’t imagine Posy would be particularly picky about the quality. 

You picked something light and hit play. Her eyes widened the second the tv lit up with a picture, scrambling to get a closer look. 

“How does it do that?” she asked, her eyes unblinking as she stared at it. 

“I’m not really sure to be honest, it’s a bit above my paygrade.”

She scooted across the floor to the back of the tv, searching for the origin of the little moving image. 

You let her explore, settling down on the couch as she moved across the floor. Eventually, she settled down with her back against the couch, leaning her head against your leg. 

“Hi there,” you said, looking down at the girl and wondering whether or not you should join her on the floor. 

She tilted her head back, looking up at you with big eyes. “Hello.”

She didn’t seem partial to personal space, nuzzling into you as she watched. 

As the movie neared its close you weaseled away from her and got up from your seat to try and clean up while she was distracted. You didn’t want to remind her about some of the messier things that were still lying around. 

Despite her wonder at the movie, she stopped and turned to instead watch you. 

You went to make the bed, removing all the bloody blankets and replacing them with clean ones, tossing everything covered in blood into the trash. You had a feeling they wouldn’t be salvageable. 

“I can sleep on the floor tonight, you can take the bed,” you called over to her.

She looked at you like you’d lost your mind. “No, you won’t.”

“Please, you’re hurt, I can’t ask you to sleep down there.”

“I don’t want to sleep on that thing,” she said, eyeing your bed distastefully. 

You ceded the floor to her after it became clear she would not budge on her position. 

Later that night, you awoke from the feeling of something moving around you. As you gathered your bearings, you felt someone nestle into your chest and you realized that Posy had risen from her spot on the floor and had instead opted to wrap her arms around you.

She was looking for comfort. It didn’t take a genius to figure that much out. 

You never could have done this, been as brave as her, sought out comfort like this when you needed it. There was courage in the gesture you couldn’t help but admire, a distinct bravery in the vulnerability. 

You ran your fingers through her hair and her grip on you only got tighter, pleading you to stay with her. You’d just felt her get into the bed and wrap herself around you but she seemed to already be drifting off in your arms. 

“I’ve got you,” you muttered, positioning yourself to try and make sure you wouldn’t get whacked by her antlers in your sleep.

It didn’t take long for you to drift off. You hated to admit it but maybe the closeness didn’t just help her. 

You were just as close when you woke up the next morning, her head resting on your shoulder and her arms wrapped around you.

“I thought you said you preferred the floor,” you said with a chuckle as she shifted further beneath the blankets, still attached to your side.

“I do. I dont like sleeping alone.”

“No, I don’t think I do either. Well, you’re welcome to stay up here, I don’t mind.”

“Mkay,” she said, sounding like she was drifting off again. “This thing is more comfortable than it looks.”

Before she could succumb to the newfound wonders of your blankets and the mattress, you nudged her awake. 

“Come on, there’ll be time for that later, we need to get those bandages changed.”

She looked nervous about the proposition and you tried to cede ground and make the vulnerable position she was in feel a little less scary. “You can change them yourself if you want, I understand if you don’t want me near your injuries.” 

She looked up at you from her spot on the pillow, a timidness present now that certainly hadn’t been there moments before. Her ears were the telltale sign, rising from their relaxed position and stiffening back. “Can you help?” 

“Of course I can,” you reassured her. “Your wish is my command.”

“Be careful what you promise, who knows what I’ll ask for,” she said with a smile, her ears falling back into place at your words. 

“Aren’t you a little tyrant in the making? Come on then, let’s take care of that leg so you can get right to bossing me around.”

She pulled her leg up next to you, wincing a little as she did. You pretended not to notice. 

Your brain ran through contingencies as you bound her injuries. So many things could go wrong with her being here, you weren’t prepared for this. 

You barely had the supplies to tend to her injuries, let alone keep her safe and hidden. 

“Have you been through your mating season?” you asked, trying to figure out exactly where you stood. 

She nodded, ears bobbing up and down as she did. Her dark eyes shone with mischief. “Why are you asking?”

Realistically, it was because her going into heat in your cabin could cause a world of problems. The last thing you needed was to attract more attention to her presence here. Other hybrids might not hurt her but a congregation of them outside wouldn’t exactly be discreet. 

That didn’t feel like the right thing to say though, so instead you opted for a playful, “I can’t be curious?”

“Maybe. I could show you sometime, if you wanted.”

“Yeah?” you said with a laugh, her enthusiasm infectious. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer one of these days.”

Her cheeks flushed, despite her being the one to propose the idea and you got the distinct impression her teasing was not going to plan. “I thought humans were prudes.”

“Come on, am I anything like the humans they told you about?”

She sighed, knowing when she’d lost. “No.”

She was even cute when she was pouting, it wasn’t fair. 

“I’m gonna go out and make sure no one else got caught in those traps, okay? I hope that pretty smile of yours is back when I get back or else…”

“Or else?”

You hadn’t quite thought that far ahead. “Or else I’ll find out if you’re ticklish, how’s that sound?”

She giggled, her arms moving over her stomach defensively at the mere thought. “Anything but that,” she pleaded.

“There’s that smile again. See you in a few hours.” Before you could really think about your actions you pressed a quick kiss into her cheek. The second her arms dropped in surprise you poked her in the stomach, leaving the cabin as you heard cries of protest behind you.

She was sitting cross legged right inside the door when you got home, her ears perked up and at attention. The second you crossed through the doorway she sprung up, practically tackling you. 

She pressed kisses into both of your cheeks in what you could only describe as an attack. 

“I win.”

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. What was that for?”

“You poked me!”

“Only because you let your guard down.” You took another easy shot and poked her again 

“You’re doing better,” you noted. She was still significantly favoring her left leg, the right one almost hovering above the floor as she stood, but the fact that she was standing and moving at all was frankly incredible. “Healed enough for a sneak attack.”

“Healed enough for revenge,” she said with a smile and a nod.

There was no way that she had significantly healed in the few hours you were gone. You could see it in every movement, she was just as hurt as she’d been this morning. 

The change in her disposition seemed more tied to her growing comfort around you than anything. 

You wanted to keep that going, make sure she felt welcome here, felt at home. You swore you’d put even more effort into it and make sure she knew she was cared for. 

It was that promise to yourself that led you to making homemade cookies for your newfound roommate. 

You swatted her hand away from the bowl as she snuck another bite of cookie dough away from you.

“You’re going to make yourself sick, you shouldn’t eat that.”

She just giggled, intent on ignoring your protests.

“Well, when we don’t have enough cookies we’ll both know who to blame.”

That seemed to get through to her, her eyes widening as she surveiled the bowl. “You’ll make more for me, right?”

“I’m not your personal chef,” you protested. 

That didn’t stop you from caving and making her more cookies. You were certain even the strongest will couldn’t withstand those big, sad eyes. They were a powerful weapon and she knew it.

Eventually you managed to get a full batch of cookies into the oven, despite Posy making every attempt to stop you. 

While the cookies were baking, you hopped up on the counter and watched Posy on the floor, her preferred seat. 

You tilted your head, getting a better look at her as she stared down at her feet. Normally she stared up at you endlessly but now she seemed lost in thought.

“What’re you thinking about,” you prodded.

“Just wondering if anyone’s worried about me.”

“I’m sure people are. Do you have any family?”

She nodded.  “Yeah, a big one. I have five sisters, Rose, Violet, Poppy, Lily, and Daisy, she’s the only one younger than me. I was out with her right before I got caught, was getting her home, I had her run when there was trouble.”

“And they’re jackalopes like you?”

She nodded. “There aren’t many of us outside the family though.”

“Do you know what happened to the rest?”

“People happened to them. Not my family though. They’re very very safe, they never let me go out.”

“I’m sure they miss you, I’ll try and find them next time I go out, tell them you’re okay.”

She shrugged. “I go missing a lot, they always say I’m trouble. Everyone else is always home but I get restless, stuck in there.” She rubbed her injured leg as she spoke, the other one bouncing up and down nervously. 

“Well, we’ll make sure you can tell them you’re okay as soon as we can, when you get all healed up and are able to get back into trouble.”

“Do you get restless?”

“Not really, I like staying put. I do like rescuing you though. How about you keep getting into trouble and I’ll keep rescuing you, deal?”

You stuck out your hand, leaning towards the floor as much as you could so she could reach you. 

She stared at it like you were crazy, moving around it to see if you were secretly holding something.

“You shake it,” you whispered to her. “That’s how we humans make deals.”

She took it and gave it a violent shake. 

“Yeah, just like that,” you laughed. 

Your little timer went off and you hopped down from the counter to pull the cookies out. Per usual, Posy did not wait for the food to cool before trying them, scooping a collapsing cookie into her mouth.

“Are they to your liking, m’lady,” you teased her.

“Better than your soup.”

You scoffed and swatted at her as she leaned away, collapsing to the floor in a fit of giggles. 

“You’re lucky you’re so cute or that mouth of yours might get you into some real trouble.”

A blush began to bloom beneath her facefull of freckles. “I thought you said I wasn’t trouble?”

“I said I didn’t mind and that I’d rescue you, I never said you weren’t trouble. Even I wouldn’t go making claims like that, especially not after you stole my cookies.”

Your little attempts to make her feel welcome got more and more frequent, despite feeling less and less necessary. 

On one of your trips through the forest, you found some lavender, picking some for her without a second thought, leaving a little bouquet of them on the pillow next to her sleeping head. 

It wasn’t uncommon for you to be able to come and go without Posy ever waking. As her initial jumpiness faded, you found out that she was an incredibly deep sleeper. 

She was sleeping in bed with you every night, the cuddling never ending, even when you weren’t sleeping.

When the summer nights got too warm she kicked the blankets off the both of you, staying firmly attached to your side all the while. 

Without a concerted effort from you to get her to move, she’d stay nestled into the covers most of the time. 

There were, as there always are, exceptions to the rule. 

When you got back home, you found her sitting at the door with a sprig of lavender in her hair and the rest clutched in her hands. She was just as excited to see you as ever, already shouting out thank yous and springing up to give you a hug, being able to put a little more weight on her injured foot every time she jumped up to greet you. 

She was getting better and better at English as well, her already amazing English constantly improving. She was an incredibly fast learner. She could hear you use a word once or twice and pick up its meaning almost immediately. 

She’d started picking up curse words from you, which you found endlessly amusing. Her soft, sweet voice would let out an impatient “fuck” and you couldn’t help but snort out a laugh. 

The whole ordeal made her quite cross. She insisted she was just mimicking you and there wasn’t anything funny about it. You unconvincingly reassured her that of course it wasn’t, not funny at all, all spoken behind a smile. 

You, on the other hand, were a little slower with her langugae

She was willing to share but replicating her words was more difficult than you’d anticipated. It had sounds you were unfamiliar with, little clicks and shifts in tone you’d never had to make before.

You’d asked her about her family names, if they were translations or if they just happened to line up with english words

“I translated them. The meaning’s what’s important anyways.”

“What is your real name?”

“Posy is my real name.”

“But how would you say it?”

She made one of the noises you were becoming more and more familiar with. It was more subtle than any word you’d ever heard before, almost being mistakable for a sound of the trees rustling or the wind outside. 

You did your best to repeat back what she’d said and immediately knew you’d gotten it wrong based on her snickering. 

It took a few tries but eventually you got it right. 

“Call me Posy though.” she added. “The meaning is what matters.”

“Yeah okay, I will” 

As you sat there, mulling over the secret words she’d been gifting you, you blurted out a question you’d been unable to shake. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do! Did you really think I might not trust you?” She seemed more hurt by the question than anything. 

Did you? “Not really. I think I just wanted to hear you say it. 

She thought for a minute and then shot back a question of her own. “Why did you get me flowers?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I thought you might like them. Did you?”

“Mmhmm.” she nodded enthusiastically. “The thing is… I’ve just heard things about humans and giving people flowers.”

You felt your cheeks begin to warm and tried to play it off. “Have you? Good things or bad things?”

She shrugged. “Just things.”

You had an idea where she might have been getting these ideas from. 

Her obsession with movies was there from the start. She was endlessly fascinated by the moving images and your inability to explain to her how they worked only seemed to fuel her fascination. You were certain she was going to wear through your vhs tapes. 

Her fascination seemed to warp over time, however. You noticed the movies she’d keep watching, the fixation on romance movies growing steadily the more she consumed. 

For the fifth time this week alone you came home to her watching an old black and white romance, her nose practically touching the screen. 

“Is it true humans mate for life?” she asked as you settled in next to her. 

“Sometimes. Depends on the human.”

“Oh. What about you human?”

“Maybe. I suppose I’d just have to find the right person. Or the right bunny.”

Her face immediately lit up with no attempt to hide it

“I think I like human romance.”

“What, no one ever get you flowers before?”

“We get each other flowers. We just don’t have partners. It seems nice.”

“You could have a partner, nothing’s stopping you.”

“Nothing?”

You slid down from the couch next to her on the floor. “Nope, nothing. Which one’s your favorite?”

She rushed over to your collection of tapes. Her movement was practically normal now. She was still favoring her left side but it seemed more out of habit than from her injury, being fully capable of forgetting all about it and darting about when she got excited. 

She wasted no time before getting comfortable, clamoring up into your lap and nuzzling into you as the movie began. 

You should get more tapes for her, you thought offhandedly before realizing there might not be a point. She was practically healed and as much as you tried to forget it, she would eventually leave. 

You had no clue how to bring up the topic, how to suggest that maybe she could visit you despite knowing that everyone she knew and loved would want her to stay far away from you the second they got her back. 

Maybe you were being selfish by not talking about it, trying to keep her with you as long as possible. Frankly, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

She noticed your mind drifting and brought you back to reality with an elbow to the side. You let out an oof and shot an accusatory glance her way but she was staring at you with frantic eyes. 

“This is the best part,” she insisted. “You can’t miss it.”

You turned back to the screen just in time to catch the climax of the movie. The music swelled, the camera zoomed in, and the pair on your screen finally kissed. 

She must have this movie memorized by now but Posy still seemed utterly entranced by the scene in front of her. 

“I’ve kissed some people, but never like that,” she informed you, her eyes still glued to the screen. 

You wanted to kiss her like that. You wanted to kiss her every way she wanted to be kissed, to show her a romance to rival all of her little movies. 

But what if that wasn’t what she wanted? What if she was just a friend showing another friend a movie and you’d misread every signal. 

Posy put those doubts right out of your mind, staring at you with resolve as she clearly hinted, “If only someone would kiss me like that.”

You laughed out, “you dumbass,” before leaning in, slowly, carefully, intentionally, just like in her little movie, with all the love in the world in your eyes.

You shut them the moment before you made contact, her hands immediately coming up to cup your face, holding you close. 

You fell into the kiss immediately. It just felt right, you fit together perfectly. You were pressed up against each other but you kept trying to pull her closer, wanting more. 

The tip of her tongue teased at the seam of your mouth until you let her in, deepening the kiss.

Her legs fell to either side of your thigh and she slid herself forwards and back, letting out little whimpers into your mouth. 

You pushed your leg up into her grinding, encouraging her.  

You broke the kiss for a second, muttering out, “Do you want to…”

She nodded and cut you off as she pushed her lips back into yours.

You tried to lead the two of you back towards the bed while she refused to let you go, causing you to slightly misjudge how far away you were from it and go tumbling down onto the sheets, giggling into each other as you fell. 

You guided her onto her back, pulling your shirt off as she desperately pulled hers off, dragging you back down while your arms were still wrapped up in its sleeves. You struggled to pull it the rest of the way off and throw it to the floor while she trailed kisses down your neck. 

Your hand slipped under the waistband of her pants, and you gently slid your fingers inside her. She was so wet they slid inside with no resistance, her walls fluttering around your fingers. 

You kissed your way down her body, pulling her pants off as you went. As you did, you found something you hadn’t known existed. A little white tail sat right above her ass. 

“What’s this?” you asked as you shifted her onto her side to get a better look. 

She rolled back onto her back, hiding the tail from sight once more. “Don’t be mean,” she pouted. 

“I’m not! It’s cute.”

You leaned down to press kisses into her thigh as she tried to pull you up where she wanted you.

Eventually you gave in to her pleas, your fingers continuing to crook upwards inside of her as you pressed gentle kisses to her clit. She bucked into your face, wanting more.

You hooked your arms around her plush thighs to get her even closer to you, focusing more of your attention on her clit as she started to squirm, lapping and sucking at it. As she got closer to her climax her thighs squeezed around your head and you were convinced you might be in heaven. Your hips pushed down into the sheets as you worked her through her orgasm. 

Your hand slipped down to try and provide yourself with some friction but it wasn’t enough. You needed her, needed her to touch you. 

As if answering your prayers, Posy pulled you up and kissed you deeply, licking her own taste out of your mouth. 

She flipped you over, pinning you against the mattress, her bare chest warm and soft against yours as her fingers dove inside of you, her palm pressing down against your clit.  

You were embarassingly close already, her soft touches bringing you right up to the edge. 

Her fingers slipped out of you and circled your clit, swallowing all of your moans as she guided you towards your peak. You pulled away from the never-ending kiss and buried your face in her neck as you came, rolling your hips as waves of pleasure radiated out from your core. 

After you came down you collapsed, your head resting on her chest. Her hand was caressing your cheek as she smiled down fondly at you.

“Was the kiss just like you wanted?” you asked. 

“It was with you so yes, it was.”

“You big sap,” you said with a laugh. 

A wave of exhaustion hit you and you were glad you were already in bed, using Posy as your own personal pillow as you got some much needed rest. 

You woke up to the sound of pounding at your door. 

The first instinct from your half-asleep brain was to ignore it and go back to sleep, snuggled into Posy’s side. 

The sound of a fist slamming against the wood continued ceaselessly and you could make out the muffled noises of the person outside shouting. The second you heard the word traps you sprung up, throwing clothes on and ushering Posy out of sight.

She picked up on your panic immediately, glancing anxiously at the door as you tucked her away. 

“What the fuck do you want?” you hissed as you threw the door open. 

Your attitude towards the hunters wasn’t pleasant on a good day but now, after you’d been taking care of Posy for weeks, you’d never felt angrier. 

“I want you to stop messing with my shit, that’s what I fucking want,” he shot back. “Do you think we didn’t know it was you? You’ve become a real pain in my ass.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Not my fault if you can’t trap prey to save your life, maybe get better at hunting and stop blaming me for your shitty haul.”

“We found blood coming from one of our traps, you know. After a few feet, the trail went cold. Like someone covered it up.”

“Well, I suppose that’s the price you pay when you’re hunting intelligent creatures, sometimes they outsmart you and your shit-for-brains friends.”

He lurched towards you and you instinctively drew back towards the shut door of your cabin. 

As you did, you saw a familiar face peek through the curtain and panic shot through you, endlessly worried they’d spot her. You talked a big game but if it came down to a straight up fight you didn’t like your odds. 

“Listen,” you said, knowing you needed to end this as quickly as you could. “You’re not the only one with a hunting riffle. I advise you to stay away from here or that camouflage you’re wearing may end up being a defense of mine. Now please get the fuck off of my property.”

You were bluffing, you didn’t have a hunting riffle. But at the end of the day, you didn’t need one. All you needed was for him to believe you.

His wide eyes and nervous glance back at your home told you that he did. 

“Bitch,” he spat at you as he began his retreat.

As he drew out of sight, you slipped inside, careful not to open the door anymore than you needed to. 

You locked the door and immediately whipped around and looked for Posy. 

She was sitting on the floor with her back to the wall, her legs curled inwards and tears streaming down her face. She was visibly shaking and clutching her leg and you got the sense she’d collapsed from her spot at the window.  

You grabbed a blanket from the bed and wrapped her up, pulling her into you. Her breaths were coming fast and you just held her, pressing gentle kisses into her forehead and rubbing the base of her ears while whispering soft reassurances to her. 

You slowly pulled her leg out from under the blanket and gently unwound the bandages from the leg she was clutching, trying to show her what you’d been putting off mentioning for days, what you couldn’t help but notice every time you changed her bandages.

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re all healed up. Look,” you said as you revealed her leg, covered in scars but functionally healed. “You’re fine. They can’t get you in here, you’re okay. You’re all healed up and I’ll never let them touch you again, you’re gonna be just fine.”

Her shaky breaths got slower as she started to calm down, her hand tenuously reaching down to touch her old wounds. 

She slowly calmed down, her hand grasping a handful of your shirt as if she was afraid you’d leave her. You had no plans on doing so, keeping her as close as you could. 

You did your best to cheer her up, to show her that things really were getting better. “Hey, on the bright side, your legs all healed up. You should be able to leave soon, go back home.”

“What?”

“You’re fine now, you should be able to walk. We can get you back home.” You focused on keeping a pleasant smile on your face, on not showing her how distraught you were of thinking about her leaving, about this place being empty, about not having Posy to come home to.

“Oh. Okay.”

She didn’t speak much after that. You left her alone for days, wanting to give her space to recover, ignoring that nagging feeling in your gut screaming at you to just say something. You refused to push. You would wait for her to speak first, to make the first move. 

She never did. 

Against your better judgment, you left her alone again, setting off to undo as many traps as you could once more. 

When you got back she was gone. 

Panic immediately bloomed in your chest, convinced that someone had gotten to her, that she’d been taken. 

The pile of clean bandages wadded up and thrown in your trash indicated otherwise. 

Maybe you shouldn’t chase after her. Maybe this was what she wanted, to go home to her family and forget all of this. Maybe this was her way of saying she didn’t want to see you again.

You barely even had time to process any of those thoughts before you took off running. 

She hadn’t been careful. Her trail was easy to follow, much easier than it should have been. 

You were out of breath when you came upon her. You knelt in front of her sobbing form, making sure she wasn’t hurt before you spoke. 

“Hey, what… what’s going on? Why did you run, what’s happening?”

She sniffled, trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “You dont want me.”

“What?”

“You were just waiting for me to heal and now you want me to leave. I thought you really wanted me.”

“I do! I want you to stay, I thought you would want to leave.”

“Why would I want to leave?”

“To go back to your family, back home. You’re not like me, you have people to go back to.”

“You’re my people. Wait, so you’ll let me stay.”

“Let you? Posy, I want you to stay, I’ve been dreading you leaving ever since you showed up. Besides, with you gone who else would I sav-”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence, it being cut short as the wind was knocked out of you when she tacked you, knocking you on your back as her arms wrapped around you. You could feel her massive smile as she pressed her face into the crook of your neck, kissing you every time she managed to suppress her smile for a moment.

She sat up suddenly, her thighs on either side of your waist, keeping you trapped where you lay.  Her ears were perked up as she grinned down at you

She started talking a mile a minute, the excitement taking over her. “I can take you to meet everyone one of these days, when hunting season is over. I’ll get to show you off. Oh, and I can forage for you. Then you’ll find out how gross all your food is. ”

You snorted. “Posy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I get up please?”

“Oh. Right, yeah of course.” She helped you to your feet, still eagerly making plans as she grabbed your hand, tugging you behind her as you both headed back home.

[really-burnt-toast]

Redesigning my COTL cast pt.1

HAHA I'm finally done! I only made busts tho bc Im lazy and Im not putting myself through drawing a size chart... YET.

It WILL come, just so I can show pretty outfits and show how ridiculous Leshy's hight is LOL

If you see any spelling mistakes, please ignore them <3

(more info and rambling under cut)

Here I'll write some more things relating to each character;

Lamb

Born in Darkwood to a single mother, their mom had named them Mellia after the flowers that grow there, since they had aided in striving off an illness she had during the pregnancy.

The Lamb grew up pretty happily despite being on the run. Their mother was eventually caught whilst they made an escape. During their years of hiding, they broke their leg during one particularly risky escape and were caught not long after.

Their number is 1.600.666 because I keep making a connection between Darkwood and Germany's Schwartzwald - there are 1.6 million sheep in Germany - so I decided to have that be the approximate number. 666 was just added for fun.

Their ear was tagged to keep track of how many sheep were caught in which realm. They just so happened to be the last to be executed. By mere coincidence.

They were born without horns and kinda made the crown shape into a set. It has the benefit that they can rip em off and use them as impromptu weapons.

Due to centuries of being treated as a tool for a prophecy and merely a vessel, their self esteem is downright horrid. Whilst they don't condone followers speaking ill of them, they pretty much let Narinder trample on their feelings up until they had snapped one day. In the end it did help them both, but it wasn't great it had to be taken to that point.

Extra: I added the vitiligo because when I imagine a human version, I couldn't help but see them as having Vitiligo. Their leg limp was made after I thought it would make them look more imposing seeing someone "weak" suddenly pull out a giant hammer.

Narinder

Found within a burning village under rubble, clutching a crown as war raged around them. He was found by Shamura and taken in.

He was the first to create resurrection and back then it was an EXTREMELY taxing ritual. It would require his own godly flesh to beckon people back to life - thus it would literally cause his skin and flesh to melt off his bones. Now that's not needed anymore but his body is still weak to it, meaning during certain stress factors, he can still become skeletal. He doesn't have scarring from it, but gained some cool markings.

He was bound by his arms, torso and neck - all of which are scarred. In the afterlife he was perpetually sitting, causing him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Once he was usurped he had to regain his ability to walk and was taken care of by the Lamb.

He was in a catatonic state for many years and it only got better gradually with many setbacks. For years he never left the bed and by the time his Siblings had been rescued, he had barely started going outside. He was also suffering from chronic pains which wasn't really helpful.

He's also very... Temperamental. It took him just as long to say anything nice to the Lamb and it took him extra long to see them as more than his vessel.

Extra: I changed his markings to be more like I had imagined them. The catatonic trait and chronic pain was added after the update and I remember how horrible it was having tendonitis and I wanted to channel my distaste into Narinder.

Shamura

Found and raised by the last gods, they weren't the greatest sibling. They may have taken in the others but it took them a long time to be anything other than cold. With Kallamar, Shamura was distant and strict - then with Narinder they attempted to be less harsh after the kid started crying himself to sleep. With Heket and Leshy they got less and less cold. They tried their best, they'd argue.

They got carried away by their feelings as they had feared at the start and that's when the first prophecy came to them. They had kept it hidden for way too long until the balance of the crown's powers were ripping at the seams due to Narinder's pursuit in power - and they made a decision. They had told Kallamar first. Then Heket and Leshy were brought in.

Stuff happened. Now they are barely coherent and at most have an hour or two at a time where they seem to make sense. Leshy stays with them the most. Kallamar takes care of them. Heket takes care of the rest. Their skull is caved in, they lost an eye and limbs - some of the damages can't be hidden by bandages.

There's also this thing that their crown keeps getting out of control whilst trying to keep their mind stable - sometimes they'll get startled - attempt to form a weapon and instead end up with their arm speared through. They have scarring all over their body from it.

Upon recruitment they are pretty overwhelmed. Their crown can't stop them from breaking anymore and they have gotten so used to godhood that mortality now feels like they are literally rotting alive. They can feel their body wasting away.

Only after getting their relic back do they start becoming more independent and stable. They nowadays go through some sort of rehab to try and regain their sense of self.

Extra: Not much was added. I wanted to give them Glasses but I can't for the life of me draw them with a pair... So Ill just say they have them but not show them LOL

Kallamar

His past is basically forgotten. It sorta slipped away since he hadn't deemed it fit to be remembered. At first he had MANY fights with Shamura, then it ceased after a confrontation turned violent which left him with a bad scar.

He had to take care of his younger siblings whilst coming to terms with godhood - filling in whenever Shamura wasn't physically or mostly emotionally unavailable. For a long time he was the only one that could comfort his ailing siblings. Dealing with that sort of made him pretty easily agitated.

When Shamura proposed the plan, he had been hesitant - but ultimately didn't say anything.

Now he takes care of his siblings medically. He hates himself more than he hates anyone else and as much as he is quick to condemn and betray Shamura - he is also quick to condemn himself. Though maybe not as enthusiastically or openly.

He likes to compensate. Giving gifts to request forgiveness - grand displays of favoritism or mainly decking himself and his multiple spouses out with Jewels. He still keeps his wedding rings around his neck and his earring references his siblings.

Funnily enough, he caused the least troubles to the Lamb. They could argue he even seemed relieved after a short while of staying in the cult.

Extra: Added Jewelry and two tentacles because he looked naked without them.

Heket

Loudmouth frog that when found with her crown, she started trying to fight Shamura - insulting whatever parent they had. She kept threatening to poison them too.

In the lineup of her siblings, she was often the one who took the sidelines. If she was happy, she was left alone. If she was displeased, she'd let herself known. The most uncomplicated of the siblings.

You'd almost miss how every other bishop would seek her out when help was needed. While Shamura helped with godhood and Kallamar with emotional needs - Heket was a good person to pester with anything else. She'd handle it - just let big sis do it. Even if she was the second youngest - it's funny how even Kallamar and Narinder would occasionally use the nickname.

Then when everyone else was dealing with their wounds, she picked up the pace and kept their respective cults from falling apart. She handled Silk cradle until Shamura could - helped with Darkwood and took over Anchordeep when Kallamar was tending to the others. No problem.

She was still loud when entering the cult. Not as much as her brother - but she loved to cause scenes. Her muteness didn't seem to hinder her at all with that. She's not allowed near knives but somehow can handle axes?

Her temper problems don't get better. She just stops being an asshole about it.

She prefers having scarfs covering her neck bandages whilst they're all bloody and disgusting.

Extra: Nothing because Heket is already perfect.

Leshy

Literally a weird insect that kept clinging to the crown until it grew big enough to hold in one hand. It bit anything that got close and by the time Shamura found it - he had started eating small critters.

And god, he kept growing and growing until he wasn't a small worm in Shamura's hand but literally too big to fit through most doors. They suspected he'd grow until the end of time. Or well, now since his crown is gone.

He never listens. He screams for fun and overshares the worst details to the point he manages to break his siblings into just accepting anything he talks about. They can't even scold him or punish him since Leshy always finds a way to make things worse for anyone else but himself.

He also copies everyone. First it was Heket's tone. Then it was Narinder's behavior - now he started growing flowers and vine braids to make fun of Kallamar and his antlers were at first a crude mimic of Shamura's pedipalps and now they grow vines to be similar to the jewels hanging from them. He refuses to acknowledge doing so.

He's very clingy. After locking away Narinder, he stayed with Shamura every day until they were out of bed rest. He follows his siblings around and when he does give them a second to breathe - hes probably laying around in Darkwood instead of doing anything productive. He does tends to plants occasionally, but he prefers "to let chaos do its thing" - as if that means anything.

He makes for a great gardener after he stopped trying to break everything upon recruitment. And once he got over growling at every living thing - he actually became one of the most well liked people living there.

Leshy knows exactly what someone needs and somehow finds a way to achieve that with the littlest of efforts. It's the thought that counts.

Extra: Braid and vines because I thought Leshy would look cute with it.

Special: The 4 bishops all wear old faith themed robes, but Shamura got the elder clothes for comfort and Leshy kept tearing his clothes apart so he is not permanently excluded from having any special outfits as punishment. Narinder wears fancy robes (who happen to be loose and warm while being special - otherwise he'd complain)

The Lamb wears one of the leaked fleeces since I loved the red riding hood aesthetic.

In the end this turned more into biographies than actual explanations but its 3:30am, Im sleep deprived and I wanted to get my thoughts out because I start having memory problems again YIPPEE

[luvrrszn]

mean

REMUS LUPIN x FEM READER

summary full moon turns your remus into someone unrecognisable

warnings angst probably, probably inaccurate hp facts, bad writing, not proofread, probably a piece of trash i just needed it out of my drafts lol

a/n it has been SO long since i've written for hp so it's probably full of inaccuracies 😭 take everything with a grain of salt and PLEASE send in more requests ily

masterlist

james has a shit-eating grin on his face when you walk in.

“oh, bloody hell. what is it now?” you groan as you flop onto your boyfriend's, remus's, bed.

"wait till you see what pads did to snape's robes." james reveals, unable to contain his grin.

"oh c'mon, jamie. when are you guys gonna get tired of picking on him? you guys are gonna get in serious trouble one day, i'm tellin ya." you sigh as you try to find a comfortable position to sit in.

just then, the door swings open to reveal sirius and your beloved boyfriend, remus. sirius has his usual smirk, while remus looks a little more down than usual. you check the date on the calendar next to his bed and realises it's almost full moon.

he takes off his shoes and slides into his bed next to you. you snuggle up next to him, and he rests an arm around your shoulder.

"should we go to hogsmeade this weekend?" james suggests, and you nod, saying animatedly, "yes please. i need new quills, and i'd like to pop by honeydukes."

usually, remus chides you for the sheer amount of sugar you consume. this time, he remains silent. this is your first clue that something's wrong.

while james and sirius argue over nothing, you turn to face remus, eye full of concern. you ask, "remmy, are you okay? you've barely said a word all day."

"i'm fine," he replies. you're left puzzled, by the lack of endearment. but you decide not to push any further, turning your attention back to the book you had just picked off his nightstand.

"is that my book? why are you always touching my things?" remus snatches the book out of your hands, only to receive perplexed glances from james and sirius.

"oi, loosen up, moony. it's just a book, don't be mean." james stands up for you. so does sirius, saying, "yeah moony, don't be an arse."

remus just ignores them.

an hour passes, and so does about four different conversation between james, sirius and you. remus has barely spoken a word, and you're getting more and more concerned by the second.

"remmy, are you sure you're okay? are you feeling unwell?" you ask, pressing the back of your hand to his forehead.

"i'm fine, stop worrying," he says, curt. you're a bit shocked, by the tone he's taken with you and the way he barely looks at you.

"oh, merlin. do you ever shut up? all you do is talk and talk and talk. will you leave me alone for one bloody second?" remus snaps at you.

james and sirius immediately stop talking, and stare at remus in shock. remus worships the ground you walk on, never in a million years would they imagine him talking to you like this.

you're equally shocked yourself. you knew remus had a short temper around full moon, but his anger was never, never, directed towards you.

you get up from the bed and it takes everything for you to not cry in front of your friends. you say softly, "i think i'm going to go back to my room. goodnight, guys."

"dove, wait," remus calls out, his voice apologetic.

you pretend you don't hear him and walk out of the door, not looking back once.

—

when you push open the door to your dorm room, with tears streaming down your face, lily immediately beckons you over to her bed.

"oh, dear. what happened now?" she asks gently, holding you in her arms as she strokes your hair.

"boys are assholes." you grumble.

"tell me something i don't know." lily chuckles.

she holds you as you cry. she silently vows to not let remus near you any time in the next few weeks.

—

and just as she promised herself she would, lily had you surrounded with friends for the next few weeks, making it impossible for remus to reach you, or for you to reach him.

full moon had come and gone, and it killed you to know that you weren't there for remus while he went through it.

you weren't left to dwell on it for long, with all your friends always surrounding you, keeping you occupied.

remus, however, was left to stress over the fact that he hadn't been able to make it up to you, and not for a lack of trying. with lily and your friends around you round the clock, he never had an opportunity to approach you without death glares from four different girls.

his opportunity arises when you fall off your broom while playing quidditch.

—

"madam pomfrey, i'm fine, please, let me go back o—" you plead, only to be cut off.

"nonsense, dear. you need to be kept for observation. i won't have you go back out to play." she shakes her head, and disappears to tend to another student.

the door creaks open, and you see a familiar face poke in.

your boyfriend, whom you haven't spoken to in three weeks.

he has a sheepish look on his face as he sits down on the chair next to the bed you're lying on.

"dove, i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have snapped at you like that, especially not in front of our friends. i was stressed, but it's still no excuse for the way i treated you. i hope you can forgive me." he says, gently taking your hand in his.

you let out a sigh, saying, "it was really mean, remmy."

"i know, i know, dove. and i'm so, so sorry. i should have never spoken to you that way. I'll never speak to you like that ever again, swear. else you can chop my balls off, i swear." he replies, giving you a small smile.

"fine, remmy. but you're an absolute arse, i hope you know that."

"i promise you i do." he replies as he presses a kiss into your hair.

[shegatsby]

Love Thy Enemy

Summary; Y/N Atreides had always been a stranger to the entire galaxy, her bed wasn’t her bed, her home wasn’t her home due to the fact that she was sent to accompany and be sisters with Irulan. She had limited access to her actual family and over the years they grew distant. She thought she would be like Reverend Mother, alone, yet powerful, and soon she would realize that there was no need of being alone when a wild creature had his eyes on her for a long time.

A/N; Hi babies! I hope you're doing amazing! I love writing this story i feel alive after months of depression lol. Don't worry, there will be SMUT in the future chapters. Sorry for any typos English isn't my first language.

TAG LIST IS OPEN! (Text me if i forgot to tag you little doves 🕊️ ♥️)

Warnings; None.. Female Bene Gesserit Reader x Feyd-Rautha, enemies to lovers! reader is reffered to as she/her.

Words; 2.291K

Chapter 4

Chapter Three – ''Caught in the Web''

The throne room was spinning under her feet, she felt the sudden rush of hot air on her body. No one dared to speak, one could hear the birds outside singing in harmony. Y/N’s alerted eyes found Pyramus, he seemed in shock and quietly left the throne room. Y/N looked at her parents pleadingly, Leto’s brown eyes were fixed on the Emperor, Jessica had a victorious smile and it dawned on her.

This was planned.

 ‘’Rise young warrior.’’ Shaddam’s voice was heard. ‘’Do parents of Lady Y/N object to this offer?’’

Entire room held its breath. ‘’No, Emperor.’’  Leto answered on the behalf of his house, it broke Y/N’s heart into million pieces. ‘’Not here.’’ she whispered to herself, she couldn’t burst into tears in front of important people and show weakness.

‘’So it is done. Paul Atreides shall take my daughter as wife and you, young warrior Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen shall take Lady Y/N Atreides as your wife.’’ And the crowd went into hypnotic frenzy.

The following hours went blurry, Y/N was taken to chamber to another…

At last, she was in her family’s quarters, she waited for servants to leave them alone. The door closed and a thick silence fell like a dark cloud, hovering over the House Atreides.

‘’How could you?!’’ she yelled, stood up to her feet, her skirts swirling, her face showed nothing but anger, she was a lioness. ‘’How could I refuse the Emperor?!’’ Leto yelled back, he felt powerless like the exact time when Emperor Shaddam demanded his beloved baby daughter to accompany Princes Irulan. Again, someone else was going to take her from him. ‘’Wake up father! This isn’t the Emperor. This is Bene Gesserit’s doing. It has been all along.’’

Leto turned to face Jessica who averted her gaze, she looked guilty of a crime she didn’t commit yet she had her fingers in it. ‘’You?!’’ He didn’t want to believe but she was right. Jessica’s blue eyes couldn’t face her beloved. Paul knew that his parents needed to talk in private so he gently held his older sister’s arm. ‘’let’s go to the gardens.’’ He knew that would calm her.

Y/N stormed odd to the halls of the palace and with Paul they walked to the lush gardens. Gardens of House Corriono were always well maintained and aesthetically pleasing with colors and scent. She had to take deep breaths and pray in silence;

 ‘’I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.’’

Paul was standing there hands in his pockets, counting his blessings.

‘’Y/N’’ he called softly, ‘’What?!’’ she was about to take her anger out on him, ‘’Do not give me that look Paul. You and Irulan and that.. that Bal headed beast are the ones who profit from this arrangement but me!’’ she tried to keep her voice low, servants and spies could be anywhere. ‘’You can manipulate him, Y/N, remember our training.’’ Paul was making sense but Y/N was too furious to hear .

‘’Y/N…’’ a soft voice called out, they turned to face the owner, ‘’Pyramus..’’ she breathed out, a brief silence fell, his dark brown eyes found hers, ‘’I shall take my leave.’’ Paul announced and left them be.

Two lovers embraced, she started to cry in agony, ‘’What are we going to do now?!’’ her voice desperate, rebelling against her fate. ‘’I have an idea.’’ He said holding her face, ‘’Tonight, after Irulan and Paul’s wedding we run away together.’’ She was shocked to hear him being bold. ‘’We can hijack an ornithopter and hide till we find a ship to fly to my home, you can use the Voice on people.’’ It would be the most outrageous scandal that the Imperium had ever seen, but it was now or never.

All day she got ready for Irulan’s wedding, she wore a long black dress an black lace gloves that were see-through, her long hair let loose. A big obsidian stoned necklace on her delicate throat, the stone shined every time lights hit from the glowglobes. After tonight she was suppose to be shipped to the hellhole called Giedi Prime. House Harkonnen.

The feast was bountiful, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, no one cared about Y/N and her situation. Among the crowd she found her family’s place and started to move past dancing couples to go to them but a firm trap caught her delicate wrist, it was Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen.

‘’Where to, little dove?’’ he was in his regular black clothing, a silver ring on his little finger, a cunning look on his ocean eyes, ‘’To my family.’’ Y/N replied coldly, ‘’I am your family now.’’ He was so direct it caught her off guard. He didn’t wait for an answer and guided her to the dance floor, his tone was stern, was he hurt that Y/N didn’t go to him first? She deduced with her Bene Gesserit powers. ‘’I highly doubt that.’’ She clapped back in annoyance. He was trying really hard not to lose his temper. He couldn’t show his true self among other houses, he couldn’t humiliate his family so he simply had to wait and be patient and when the time comes… he could insert his ways on her. As if he wasn’t doing it now….

‘’You have a silver tongue. I like that but-‘’ he made her twirl, ‘’be careful.’’ Y/N looked up to meet his orbits, under the yellow lights, among dancing couples one could assume that Feyd and Y/N were a loving couple. It was so easy to lose oneself in his aura that she had to look away. Their bodies pressed to each other, she could smell his cologne, manly and just.. there

‘’You know what, I’m going to be nice to you tonight.’’ She said which caused him to rise his nonexistent eyebrow in questioning. ‘’How come?’’

‘’You might not find me again, so, it’s on the house.’’ And the music ended and she immediately let herself part from him and go to her family.

Rest of the night she avoided most of the people and observed. Paul and Irulan were shipped to Caladan and tomorrow morning all of the lord and ladies were to go back to their home planets. Perfect timing.

Y/N wore her black leather pants and top, she couldn’t afford running in her beautiful gowns if any trouble arrived. She prepared a small bag of essentials, and had been waiting for Pyramus to whistle from outside, her windows were all wide open.

When she heard him she activated her shoes which were made to float in the air and she softly landed on the fresh cut grass, they kissed passionately. She could feel her heart in her throat, this was the first time she was actively rebelling against her family and the rules. Pyramus had his outfit from the night’s entertainment. ‘’Why didn’t you change?’’

‘’Didn’t have time. Follow me.’’ If she was more observant she could have seen the cut on his eyebrow and small bruises on his face clearly.

Ornithopters were on the airfield, since it was really late most of the guards were sleeping on their duty.

Pyramus held her hand, his palm sweaty, ‘’Let’s go.’’ He made her move fast ‘’Wait-‘’ she whispered,

‘’Let’s not wake them up-‘’ he seemed like he didn’t care, they got to an ornithopter. He opened its door, it was for two people. Before she climbed inside she turned to face him for a second, he seemed terrified, ‘’Wait-‘’ her hands went to his face, ‘’What happened to your face?’’ Y/N asked in horror and saw his expression change into guilt.

‘’Pyramus?’’ she whispered, ‘’I’m sorry Y/N..’’

And all of the lights on the field were turned on like lightning on a rainy day, alarms were going off, soldiers wide awake… were they awake the whole time? They were surrounded by Harkonnen soldiers, a sound of applause echoed on the open field, soldiers moved to make way for him.

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen approached, he stopped clapping when he saw them, he had his black and dark grey uniform. Y/N could see he was geared up.. just in case.

‘’Did you really think that you could escape me?’’ Feyd asked sarcastically, his voice amused, he looked like a theater actor who finished his bit and proud of himself. ‘’I’m sorry..’’ Pyramus whispered again and let her go, he, without a beat climbed into the ornithopter and flew away.

Y/N could feel the tears of betrayal coming in, Feyd-Rautha with a sudden move grabbed her wrist, she felt like an animal who just stepped into a metal trap, his fingers bruising her wrist, he started to drag her back to the palace. ‘’Let go of me!’’ because of the panic she couldn’t use the Voice on him.

‘’Enough games, little dove. You will be locked to your chambers until we leave for Giedi Prime.’’

She kept trying to fight and get away from him and he stopped in his tracks, an annoyed huff coming out of him he turned to her and with a swift move he lifted her to his shoulder like a cave man.

‘’I order you to let go of me!’’ this time she used the Voice but he wasn’t affected. Why? Y/N noticed the earplugs he was wearing. ‘’I out rank you Lady Y/N.’’ he chuckled and she could feel the panic rise in her. He slapped her butt and she whined in pain, his hand was heavy and big.

Feyd-Rautha marched the empty corridors and found her bedroom, he kicked open the door and threw her onto her bed which was covered with fluffy pillows and he was startled to see so many colors at once. She froze, supporting her body with her hand, he stood there like a statue, immobile. ‘’Thankfully other houses don’t know this foolish attempt of yours.’’ He said coldly ad slowly leaned to be on the same level as her. ‘’Try to humiliate me again and see what happens, little dove.’’ She felt the threat of his words settle into the room, she felt as if his presence made her vision go dark and the only thing she could see was him.. Feyd-Rautha was so many things but a liar.

He left and she heard the lock on the door.

Y/N was in shock, she had to take deep breaths to calm her racing mind. Soon a maid came to lock the windows and leave her there, without a word.. even her own maids turned their backs on her, Harkonnens were feared. She belonged to them now, her body and soul was his.

She moved to the window to see the full moon, on her knees she prayed till morning came with its fog. Jessica entered with the maids and servants, Y/N was on her knees praying like a mad Bene Gesserit witch. ‘’Prepare the bath for my daughter.’’ Jessica ordered and went to sit next to her.

‘’You will understand me one day.’’ She knew what happened last night and was surprised, Jessica had never thought Y/N would rebel like this.. ‘’When I was in your whomb…’’ she began, ‘’why didn’t you change my sex?’’

Jessica had to tell the truth, ‘’I was ordered to have a daughter as first born. They didn’t tell me why. If I had known.. things would be different.’’ Her blue eyes searching hers, hoping to see something but Y/N was trained well, not a single emotion on her face, a blank slate. ‘’If you don’t manipulate him he’ll be the end of you, you’re my daughter, you have to survive.’’ Jessica kissed her daughters soft hair and stood up to give more orders to carry Y/N’s belongings to the Harkonnen ship.

Y/N watched other houses leave from her window, she tried to read while her servants worked in silence. The sun was setting when she wore her ceremonial gown. It was emerald green, the color fo her house and a hawk was on her chest, symbol of House Atreides. Her long hair was braided elegantly. Her father came to take her outside before the Emperor, it was the custom. Leto tried to talk to her but she didn’t budge, they walked in death silence.

There was a breeze outside, she saw everyone standing in their rightful places. Feyd-Rautha was standing in front of the Emperor who was seated on a moveable throne. Feyd’s hands clasped behind his back, he watched Duke Leto bring Y/N to stand next to her, he noticed that she was avoiding eye contact like an expert.

Leto, when he made her stand next to her husband- to-be he took a step to Feyd, held his arm and whispered into his ear, ‘’Hurt my daughter and I will end your entire blood line.’’ He gave a pat on Feyd’s shoulder and left them.

The field was silent, she could hear the birds, it calmed her. Were there any birds in Giedi Prime?

Padishah Emperor Shaddam basically announced that this young couple had his blessing and the wedding would take place in House Harkonnen’s planet. He made them kiss his ring and ended the ceremony. Y/N walked to her family to say goodbye, Feyd watching her intently, Leto kissed her daughter’s forehead, Jessica hugged her tightly and whispered into her ear.

‘’Remember your training.’’

Feyd made her take his arm, his ceremonial clothing was black, he was covered in it, together they walked to the ship. ‘’I must say you look pleasant in green.’’ He spoke quietly, Y/N turned to see the small smile on his plump lips, ‘’Thank you.’’ And they walked to the ship, Y/N looked at her family before the metal door closed.

Tag list; @superchatnoir07

@mamawiggers1980

@landlockedmermaid77

@moonsoulk

@crystalskiesandcherrywine

@palomavz

@beebeechaos

@jeong-uwu

@tian-monique

@avidreader73

@aleemendoza2425-blog

@taleah

Thank you for reading. :)

[wantonlywindswept]

adopted baby Guard Din idea that I am never going to write

because it would involve logistics and quiet moments and idle life which I am very down for reading but cannot for the LIFE of me actually sit down and write

So the war ends, Palps is outed as a Sith and an asshole and dies somehow, and the Senate eventually decides that the clones do count as people and thus are allowed to leave the GAR if they want. Give the bureaucrats another few years and they might even give out backpay and citizenship, so long as you stay in the service--wait what do you mean the entire Guard is resigning. What do you mean they've already left orbit?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE NOW MILLIONS OF FILES ON THE HOLONET ABOUT THE SENATE'S SHADY DEALINGS???

Guard, collectively: lol cya suckers

Fox is of course one of the last ones out, and since this was all planned on the down low, everyone's been split into groups so they can take commercial flights, since they're not about to be accused of stealing ships. (They also leave their weapons and their armor behind, in a giant macabre pile in the middle of Corrie HQ. Even their helmets, their faces, they discard: it's time for a rebirth.)

He and Thorn and a few other Corries have a stopover on some tiny station, waiting a week for a delayed transport to arrive, and in the meantime they're approached by some locals who just fled the planet below. Separatist remnants attacked their homes, forcing them to leave everything and everyone behind; can the big strong clones do anything about it?

The Big Strong Clones: Oh shit we finally get to kick some Seppie ass? Sign us the FUCK up.

The eager group does not include Fox, who could not care less about the Separatists and would very much like to finally catch up on his sleep. Unfortunately that means that the group that goes down to the planet is Unsupervised.

(Thorn does not count as supervision. Thorn, bereft of Senate oversight, has finally allowed his Inner Chaos Gremlin to fully emerge. Thorn needs more supervision than the shinies.)

Thorn, three days later, waking Fox from half-hearted sleep by dropping an entire natborn child on him: Hey boss, look what we found! None of the refugees claimed him, so we called dibs. Can we keep him? Fox, staring at the child: ...

Din, staring back: ...

Fox: ...no..?

Din: *sad but understanding big brown eyes*

Fox: Nevermind this is my child now.

Din has gone from two parents to one parent and hundreds of overprotective brothers.

Eventually his group makes it to their destination, Din in tow. I am uncertain of what the destination is but it is a planet that is as far away from Coruscant that the Corries could find. I am tempted for Tatooine not because I like Tatooine (I share Anakin's loathing of sand and deserts) but because Luke's description of Tatooine in ANH was 'if there's a bright center to the universe, this is the planet the furthest from'. 

Corries, hearing that: Fuck it sounds perfect. 

Anyway they make it to Tatooine, there is probably purchasing of some shitty land/buildings that nobody wants out in the wastes bc crime, scum, villainy, etc, but it's not like they have problems taking care of anything that tries to mess with them. 

Where did they get the funds?

Shh don't ask about it.

Stone takes up moisture farming. Thire takes up farming-farming. Thorn shoots gleefully at anything that shows up unannounced within a ten-mile radius. Literally everybody dotes on Din. There are a surprising amount of peaceful days.

Eventually some dumb shiny goes: Hey don't kids need friends? Shouldn't we set up some playdates for him or something?

The shiny is not called dumb for asking the question, but they are called dumb for thinking that the question would only ever be taken rhetorically. Fox disappears for two weeks and then comes back with a black eye and a yowling hissing Boba tucked under one arm, looking stupidly pleased with himself.

(Boba is also pleased to be back with people he knows will keep him safe. Boba will not admit to this under threat of death or dismemberment. Boba is a SERIOUS SCARY ADULT BOUNTY HUNTER.)

Boba also decides he will be Mortal Enemies with Din, which after about ten minutes of meeting him morphs into If Anyone Hurts Din I Will Kill Everyone In This Room And Then Myself because all clones be the same, really.

Din has gained another brother/bestie. (Or potential future boyfriend, whichever floats your boat.)

Somehow they still end up overthrowing the Hutts.

Officially the GAR knew and knows nothing about the Guard leaving Coruscant as soon as the metaphorical paint was dry on their sentient status.

Unofficially Fox's batch harangues him every single day for photos of his new kid(s). They eventually show up unannounced, demanding time with their nephew. (They are shot at by Thorn.)

Din gains five new uncles.

The batch proudly show pics and holos to their battalions. Din gains millions of new uncles.

Fox finally gets a full night's sleep.

[nqueso-emergency]

Alright Queso I’m dropping my own theory here. Feel free to delete it, I just need this all out before I self implode due to frustration.

I’m honestly so confused by the people being like “lol this is the last season!” due to pacing and Tim’s writing.

#1 ABC wouldn’t have spent the millions they did on the show for just one season. Peter and Angela were each getting over a million annually and the others were finally at the 100k per episode by contract negations during season 6. Even IF the Mouse House suddenly lost all of their brain cells and were like “yeah let’s pour an easy 20 mil [idk what the budget actually is but I’m assuming the salary alone is in the 10s of millions] into this production and just have it for one year”…. Why? Literally what good would that do for Disney/ABC? Like yeah, Disney doesn’t need to recoup losses, but still they want at least something close to being out of the red (unless 9-1-1 is sucking that much money out but I also don’t think they wouldn’t have taken it on if they were afraid of that). Also I highly doubt the actors and crew would have signed onto a year contract (circle back to previous point of “Disney wouldn’t have taken on a money sucking production”).

#2 as it’s been established, Tim writes by the seat of his pants. I think last season they had a rough game plan, then the strikes happened and it was too late to turn back when it came to drafts. By the time it came to filming, they couldn’t open, lead up to, and close the stories they wanted to tell in the 10 episodes. They didn’t know they would only have 10 episodes. They were writing what they wanted, then dealing with the timeline later. Fast forward a year and a half later, we’re left with them scrambling and everyone is now dealing with the effects of “okay here’s a resolution just trust us” (Ortiz v the Wilsons) as well as incredibly condensed stories (Gerard) so they can get to the stories they wanted to tell this season (Hot Shots, Eddie and Chris, Maddie and Chimney having another kid). Realistically, we’re NOW getting to the stories that should have been episodes 4 and 5. So yeah it’s rushed and probably will be for the better part of this season.

Regardless, my personal theory is, the writing is on the wall for Grey’s. The general public has been laughing about how Grey’s has jumped the shark 4 times over by now and everyone is kinda over it (both the show and Shonda). ABC knows this, but most importantly Disney knows this. But they can’t get rid of Grey’s until they have a show to take over for Grey’s. I think ABC got 9-1-1 to potentially take that power hour over. With how well Dr. Odyssey is doing and a potential spin off, in my very convoluted opinion, they’re looking at a way of building a new Shonda but instead it’s Ryan Murphy (even if he isn’t involved in the 9-1-1 sphere anymore the general public still knows the name Ryan Murphy).

I also am starting to question if Peter and Angela will leave (or have smaller roles) in the coming season. Between Bobby still dealing with Hot Shots, Athena hinting at retirement, and their house being built? I’m curious if they’ll pull a moment where the house is under construction, but it’s ~wherever Michael and David live~ so they get the happily ever after retirement and they’re setting up a season 9 where it’s “oh wow what will happen next!?”. Procedurals need a revolving cast and Peter and Angela have both mentioned moving on eventually. Why not now? Let them get the Disney money then leave (with guest appearances at reasonable times) opening a WHOLE LOT of potential things to t op about the 118.

Sorry for the novel. I’ve been thinking and have no one who will listen to my theories ❤️

Posting. But I'm not getting into this conversation 😅

[sentientsky]

On Crowley, the Starmaker, and the Disruption of Intergenerational Violence

(based on this post from @nightgoodomens) I started thinking about Crowley and the Starmaker and the way in which he's an engineer at heart. But then I started gathering screencaps and making gifs and stuff, and then I was thinking about how Crowley's doing a really good job of upsetting patterns of intergenerational trauma. (Of course I'm going to talk about childhood stuff, what did you expect from me??) CONTENT WARNING: this will involve discussions of childhood trauma and abuse (not explicit)

I'll be using they/them pronouns to refer to the Starmaker and he/him pronouns for Crowley. This is for no other reason than to help me differentiate in my own writing lol.

To preface, the Starmaker is so so important to me. You have no idea; they are my beloved, my everything, my most adored.

I mean, look them. What a fucking cutie (i accidently/subconsciously picked up the habit of nose-scrunching because of this goofy little cosmic Bob the Builder)

They're also an engineer, a creator of worlds—someone who spins matter and existence into being.

Their desire to create, to make things happen is carried throughout the story.

(e.g., Crowley's rainstorm) He maintains a love for the universe and all the stars in the sky.

So what does this have to do with intergenerational trauma? Well, as we've discussed time and time again, Crowley is deeply deeply traumatized by both the violence of Heaven and of Hell. Trauma, much like the worst fucking family heirloom ever, has the capacity to be passed down through the years. Let's get more specific. What is intergenerational trauma?

(source)

(source) For example, my grandfather has a horrific temper and lashes out as a way to cope with his emotions. In turn, my father learned that being abusive towards one's children was acceptable, and applied it to his parenting of me.

In this case, Crowley was abandoned and actively forced into, "a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur" by God—someone who is functionally his parent. In Hell, he was subject to torture and other forms of cruelty. Unsurprisingly, that leaves a fucking massive mark on an individual. It would be very easy for him to simply replicate the patterns that he learned in his time as the Starmaker and turn cold/callous/cruel. And yet he doesn't do this. As mentioned here, he is kind and compassionate. He sticks around through continual rejections, despite having only known abandonment. He answers questions (invites them even). At the same time, the trauma hasn't had a nonzero effect on him, of course. He's redirected the violence into compulsive caretaking and a kind of need to prove himself, among many other things (totally not speaking from experience here. no siree!! *sweating*). Let's take a closer look at this (because I want to and you're stuck with me hehe): Questions As we saw in season 1, Crowley cites asking questions as the reason for his Fall (an idea which we see reiterated in season 2):

Instead of replicating that same violence (by belittling, rejecting, or else lashing out at those who ask questions), we see him encouraging curiosity. Not only is this evident within the Starmaker,

but also in Crowley himself, as we see with both Muriel and Jimbriel:

Along the same lines, as he's been subject to a great deal of unkindness (understatement of the year), it would be easy for him to carry that cruelty forward (god knows my family has taken that route before. who said that!!!). Nevertheless, he remains kind, even to those who have hurt him (which isn't to say that you need to be or even should be kind to those who abuse you. abuser apologists are not a thing in this household). Kindness even in the face of mistreatment + anger Gabriel, as Crowley has mentioned, has the capacity to smite Crowley. He has actively tried to kill the love of his life. The mere presence of Gabriel in the bookshop triggers a fight or flight response in Crowley, and this disruption represents a violation of the safety of the bookshop that he and Aziraphale had established within the past however many years (see Alex's fantastic meta post for more detail regarding the bookshop becoming an unsafe space for Crowley: x)

ignore my cursor. just pretend its a fly. shh shhh it's beez just being a silly lil guy (gn). i'm too tired to remake this gif, so this is what we're working with lol

(AND THEN HE OFFERS HIM A HOT CHOCOLATE?!?!?!! couldn't be me) Case Study: The Plants (shoutout to @sighed-the-snake for their post about leaf spots) Even with regards to his plants, we see a widely different side of him beginning in the second season. In the first season, we witness him using the plants as a site of displacement/projection, in which he reenacts the violence he himself was subject to.

However, in the second season, while we don't get a lengthy view of them, episode four gives us a quick glimpse into how this approach might have altered in the four years since.

(please keep in mind that my vision is absolute dogshit, so apologies if you look at my little circles and go "what the actual fuck is she talking about?" i TRIED, okay????) Had this been the first season, these little guys wouldn't have been permitted to exist in the state they're shown here. We could argue, oh well, it's just because Crowley's been busy/distracted with other things. And while that may be the case, we've seen him preoccupied with the end of the world in season 1, and yet still exert control over the plants.

...I have no solid conclusion for this, as I'm still sick and my brain is like a bowl of stagnant dishwater at the moment. I'm not putting forth any new ideas or anything, so I guess this is all to say, "yay for cycle breakers!".

[junosmindpalace]

hi! i've been rewatching a few tdliosk eps every once in a while and i kinda missed kusuo 😩 and since it's christmas season i was wondering if u could write a saiki x fem reader one-shot in reference to season 1 ep 16 where saiki dresses up as santa and distributes presents to the kids in their neighborhood? so uhm when he was about to go home, he sees reader walking in the street (she lives nearby) also dressed up as santa for some reason lol. saiki and her are friends to say the least but there's an unspoken mutual pining stuff going on between them. saiki walks her home then she suddenly sees a mistletoe on one of the houses... reader froze and blushes hard and saiki got confused so he read her mind and he was like oh... he's hesitating on whether he'll kiss her or not but much to his surprise reader makes the first move 😆 tysm and pls take ur time! ❤

hi there! Thank you so much for your request! I couldn’t resist writing one of my more recent requests especially with the holiday theme…i hope you enjoy!

ps., dialogue in italics are kusuos inner thoughts/talking via telepathy!

warnings: angst? maybe? if you squint?

wc: 1.4k

The last person Saiki wanted to see today was you. 

It was already a pain going door to door dealing with all the brats in his neighborhood, but suddenly it was a hundred times more embarrassing when you were nervously eyeing his Santa get-up in confusion. 

But something that sort of lessened his dread upon running into you was that you too were also wearing a costume like his.

Saiki had spent his entire evening playing this Santa delivering presents to the children in his neighborhood, courtesy of his parents. He flew around the sky with a sack full of presents, just like the real deal. He’s dealt with all sorts of headaches tonight- a scared child, a non-believer, and a family conflict, to name a few. By the time his sack was empty, Kusuo was exhausted and ready to head home, opting to simply walk with his empty bag instead of teleporting as he didn’t live far. He regrets this decision immediately, however, when he runs into you. Which leads him to the dilemma he’s put himself in right now. 

“Oh no…of course I'd run into Y/N at this very moment. Why didn’t I just teleport home as soon as I finished?”

Just like with the rest of his friends, Saiki found you a nuisance, someone who interfered with his ability to lead a “normal” and peaceful life, but for a different reason than the rest of his peers. The two of you had been friends for a long time, longer than any of his current ones, but your relationship has felt different recently, and it’s been stressing Saiki out. 

As of late, Saiki has taken notice of some new uncomfortable feelings that only arise around you. Tightness in his chest, a weird sensation in his stomach. He doesn’t get sick, so obviously these symptoms alarm Kusuo. What was even more alarming was the fact that they were recurring, and most alarming of all, they were only recurrent around you. 

He’d been trying to avoid the most dreadful conclusion for these feelings ever since he noted that they only arose around you. He’s heard the signs a million times thanks to his love-crazed classmates. Clammy hands, he’s got it. A burning feeling in his chest? A blazing feeling, even. It brought him a sense of horror unlike any other, but after being unable to rid himself of his troublesome feelings, he’d come to the conclusion that yes, he, of all people, has a crush. Even worse, it was a crush on one of the only tolerable people in his life.

Maybe this conclusion wasn’t all that shocking, but it certainly didn’t make Kusuo feel any good. He’d been friends with you for years, spending all that time getting to know you and growing comfortable with you, and now suddenly he feels something more than friendship? Him of all people, the psychic who thought that it was his very nature not to be romantically involved with anyone? It turned his view of himself upside down. 

Saiki reached this conclusion not too long ago, and he’s still trying to figure out what to do with it. What was even worse about the ordeal was that your thoughts, as of late, have also been worrisome, seemingly more eager than usual to be around Saiki and questioning yourself whenever you caught yourself thinking of him in a not-so-just-friends kind of way. He's been trying his best to avoid you until he can figure out how to dispose of these feelings without them growing and without you catching on, as it seemed that they only intensified each time he saw you, and that wasn’t something he wanted.

Yet here you were, and for some reason, you were also in a Santa getup like Kusuo.

And after recovering from your initial moment of shock, you spoke out into the quiet, frigid atomosphere.  “Kusuo? Is that you?”

-

As you lived near Kusuo, the two of you accompanied each other on your walks home. You both removed your beards and hats to see and talk to each other properly, and you anxiously explained to Saiki the reasoning behind your getup after he explained his own, flustered that he caught you at such an embarrassing time. 

“Well, my work required me to wear something festive, and I got stuck with Santa out of all our costumes. I would have preferred an elf or even a snowman over Santa. I’ve been sweating all day.” You laughed nervously as you held your gaze to the ground and your beard up in defeat. But then you let your arm drop to its side and you turned toward him with a small smile. 

“I think it’s nice what you did, even if your parents coaxed you into it. Not many people would step up like you did tonight.”

Saiki stared at you exasperatedly. Usually Saiki doesn’t care for any sort of praise he receives, and he really (and I mean truly), doesn’t mean to brag, but he usually receives a lot. He doesn’t think much of it, but something about it coming from you makes him reflect, which pained him. He hates the effect you have on him, which is why he’s been trying to stay away. But somehow, he always keeps finding his way back to you, and you to him. He has to deal with a lot of irritating people on a daily basis, but you were his ultimate headache. Just how was he about to go about this new development in your relationship? It made him uneasy to think that things would have to change between you two, that things were already changing. Was it because he let you so close to him that he developed these feelings for you? That he’s gotten so vulnerable, so much more anxious and scared? Was he right about relationships in general being nothing but an inconvenience? 

Your house came before his, and out of respect, Kusuo walked you to your doorstep, deep in almost dark thought about his feelings. You didn’t mind Kusuo being quiet, and for the most part, your dynamic has usually consisted of you being the more talkative one. Besides, you were both exhausted from your eventful evenings. What you didn’t expect was for Saiki to follow behind you as you climbed up the steps to your porch. When you turned around behind you, your eyes widened in alarm.

“Oh no, Saiki, it’s okay, you don’t need to-!”

By the time he stopped in his tracks, your warning was futile. Saiki stared in confusion over your panicked face, your eyes carrying a sort of frenzied look in them. “What? What’s with the sudden dismissal? I only-”

And suddenly his own eyes widened in panic as he realized his error, his miscalculation. He’s beating himself up for not being more cautious, especially during this time of year. How could he be so careless?

Kusuo slowly turned his head up, almost in fear, to get a better view of the mistletoe that hung above the two of you. 

“My family thought…it would be sweet…”

Saiki stared in horror with his mouth open at the plant before quickly turning his attention back to you. What was he supposed to do? He wasn’t entitled to kissing you, he could obviously refuse. But his stomach churned. Did he really want to be turned down? The thought, even if it cropped up for a second, made him want to slap himself and hurl. 

The two of you stared at each other nervously in silence for a couple of moments before you suddenly took a deep breath. Saiki’s eyes widened even further. “Are they seriously going to kiss me? I didn’t think they’d have the courage to make a move like that. Their thoughts never indicated-”

Warm lips met his cheek for the swiftest moment before only a tingling sensation lingered. It had happened so quick it left him feeling dazed from being pulled out so suddenly from his thoughts. His surprised gaze still firmly held your nervous one, and silence fell between the two of you for a brief moment. 

“Thank you for walking me home. Merry Christmas, Saiki.” You quickly sputtered out these final words before turning on your heel and quickly heading inside, thankful that the door was left unlocked by one of your family members like you had asked earlier that evening. 

Saiki couldn’t help but linger at the porch for a few seconds, staring at the closed door before slowly turning around and continuing the path toward his house.

There was good reason for him to want to avoid you, especially tonight. When he got home and headed into the kitchen to greet his mother, she commented absentmindedly on the deep rose that settled into his face from the cold, and talked to no one in particular about how wonderful and joyous the Christmas season was.

wishing you all a happy and healthy 2023!! thank you for all the support i’ve received this past year <3

[trashworldblog]

What is hmbomberguy (I can’t spell) ur reblogs are making me so curious but I cannot handle getting into more content/ content drama rn.

hi! yes. so hbomberguy is one of those 2hr long video- twice a year or less youtubers. who make content exploring a topic (like plagerism on youtube, vaccines and autism, etc).

his new video talks about video essay type youtubers who steal all their writing from documentries, books, articles, etc. and makes thousands of dollars off of other peoples work.

james sommerton is the main focus of the video, but he also shows how iiluminaughtii stole from documentries (and even listed the piriting site she watched it from as a source? lol) and internet historian stole an entire article, format, visuals, and all, and got 10 million views for it (and stole so much his video got taken down) and theres this other video game guy that got hired at ign and the got fired from ign for piriting and is a homophobic right wing guy?? (details are fuzzy, this is a 4 hour video i watched once, forgive me).

um. but, the james sommerton stuff just gets crazier and crazier the way this guy just makes a ton of money by lying to his community. he ends up accidently stealing work from one of his patreon members (he stole on purpose, i assume he didnt know who he was stealing from was a patron). he asked and got thousands of dollars to mame a fake (?) film studio that has made no films, and only says theyre in preproduction for a new film every 10 months. he also, yknow, steals from queer voices, basically harming his own community for profit. and when he's called out for stealing, he either shouts homophobia or shifts the blame to his co writer, who probably knows nothing about the plagerism.

anyways. its a bit of a drama thing. but honestly its a lot about how and why we should care about the art and media we consume online, and just how many people who look like they have their life together and are making lots and lots of content, seemingly on their own or close, actually are just stealing from talented people. it heals a bit of that imposter syndrome for people that do make genuine content online, and shows the consumers what making too much too quick actually means for the content they enjoy. the get the equivalent of meat grinded facts mixed with misinformation, subtly changed quotes, and 0 sources, or a laundry list of unorganized and unlabled sources if they want to learn more.

also i like this tweet. summarizes it well for me.

um. but thats my thoughts on it. i liked it because it reminds me that people who are churning out content one-man-show style aren't making the greatest stuff. i struggle with feeling like my work takes too long. but this was a great reminder that im actually making something good (i hope!), or at least, something that is truely coming from me. so its gonna take time to do it. but it'll be worth it because it'll be coming from me. (and also good. hopefully)

also the money hbomberguy is making off this video is going to the people james stole from. so thats really nice.

[josephquinnswhore]

Soap’s Secret

Pairing: Johnny “soap” McTavish x female reader.

Summary: soap has been sneaking around while home from deployment, you can’t figure out what he’s been doing and when you catch him in a lie, he tries to make it up to you.

Word Count: 1.7k

Content Warning: allusions to cheating, insecurity, jealousy, Johnny tries to kinda fight Simon lol.

Note: Hope you love this @sofasoap 🥰

Johnny had never hidden anything from you, he was always an open book, someone that had nothing to hide and no secrets hidden from you. Which is probably what fuelled your insecurity and the harsh thoughts that we’re trying to convince you that Johnny was hiding something from you. He was home from deployment. 3 short months you had to spend with Johnny, time to you that felt like days in comparison to the time he was gone.

He had been distant before when he had seen something really traumatic, something that had taken him months to tell you, but this, this felt different, it felt sneaky. It had been happening once a week for three weeks, three days taken from you, something that adds up relatively quickly when you have as little time together as you already do.

He left this morning at 09:00am, he gave you a small kiss on the check and left with a “love you” something that your brain brain whirring into overdrive, he had always kissed you passionately, he hated being away from you, always muttered a dozen “I love you’s” before he finally departed from your prescience. You’d spent most of the day crying, curled up in bed moping at the obvious answer you’d refused to come to terms with, Johnny, your husband, the love of your life was cheating on you. There was no other rational explanation, you didn’t come to this conclusion lightly.

You pack a small travel bag, shoving in essentials like clothes, toiletries and a framed photo of you and Johnny on your wedding day, although he had betrayed you, you knew you likely wouldn’t ever stop loving him. You exhale shakily as you write a note, not being able to handle confrontation, you wouldn’t allow him to lie his way out of the truth, and you couldn’t deal with seeing him hurt, even if he had broken your heart into a million shards that would remain broken.

You kiss the letter and sob as you place it on the dining table, the bold letters “dear Johnny” was likely to gain his attention, you couldn’t bare to look back at your house, one you had purchased together nearly a decade ago. The thought hit you hard, 15 years thrown in the gutter just like that.

You dumped your bag in the passenger seat of the car and drove, miraculously you didn’t end up in a car wreck, not remembering taking the turns and going through traffic lights that had led you here, to Simon’s house, you didn’t know why you’d driven here, you had only met him a few times through Johnny and you weren’t even sure he liked you. Alas, you stood hesitantly at his front door, fat tears rolling down your cheeks as you try to hold back a sob, trying to hold yourself together as you knock on the door. There’s a minute of silence before Simon opens the door, he’s taken aback when he sees you, your demeanour completely broken with a travel bag by your side. Wordlessly, he opens the door and lets you in.

You sit on the lounge and Simon sits directly across from you, his large sofa feeling brand new as it sits unused in the months he’s gone, doubting he ever has visitors occupying the seat enough to wear it in. “What’s goin on lovie?” Simons blonde eyelashes like through the skull baklava, blue eyes watching you intensely. Through your broken voice you somehow mutter, “he’s cheating on me, Johnny’s cheating on me Simon.” You can see that he’s frowning under the baklava, wrinkles visible under the dark material. “Johnny wouldn’t do that, how’d you figure that?”

You slump into his couch, wishing it would swallow you whole. “He’s been gone every Tuesday since he got back, Tuesday’s we always have movie nights, he’s been gone the whole day and I-“ you take a shaky breath, not wanting to make Simon more uncomfortable, “he’s just been so distant, the way he speaks to me, I feel like I don’t know him.”

“M sorry lovie. Have you told him you’re here?” You shake your head no, and he just nods, “alright, cmon you can take my bed, you ain’t layin on the couch.” You follow Simon down the hall to his bedroom, quietly thank him as he sacrifices his own bed for your comfort, through exhaustion and heartbreak you fall asleep the moment your head hits Simon’s pillow, wishing it smelt like Johnny.

You were awoken to shuffling, muffled yelling and the sound of skin on skin. Your watch reads 12:45am. You turn on the light and rush down the hall and peek around the corner in curiosity. You see Johnny standing at the door shoving Simon. “I know she’s fuckin in here Simon let me in, her cars in the driveway.” Simon shoves Johnny back, pushing him out the doorway. “She don’t wanna see you Johnny. Go home.” Johnny looks around before he starts to shout your name, over and over banging on the open door.

“She sleepin in your bed Simon? You layin with my wife?” The fury in Johnny’s voice sends shivers down your spine, the accusation making you nauseous, it has you furious, the way he would accuse you of cheating when he was the one that was unloyal.

“Rich coming from you Johnny,” you muse from the hallway, your body becoming more visable to Johnny as you step behind your host, Simon tensing up as if to protect you. “Come home with me Bonnie, I can forgive ya.” Johnny had tears in his eyes and you scoff, “I’m not sleeping with Simon, he was on the couch and gave me his bed. Unlike you, gone all day, you’ve been cheating on me.” Johnnys face drops, he knows he has an ultimatum; tell her the truth or hide the secret.

“I ain’t cheating Bonnie.” You cross your arms, “well, what have you been doing?” Johnny shuffles and he can’t meet your eyes, that’s answer enough for you. All you do is shake your head and take off your wedding ring, throwing it at him and it lands on the ground, Johnny scurries to pick it up. “Good night John.” You turn around and break down again, your hands rubbing the bareness that once held your wedding ring.

Your phone was buzzing and ringing so constantly it woke you up, all notifications from Johnny, some texts from Gaz and even Johnny’s ma. You decline the call from johnny and his ma rings, you sigh and answer the phone. “Hey ma.” Your voice is weak and she coos on the other side of the phone. “Oh lass, how are you holding up?” Your lip wobbles, “not good ma. I’m guessing you heard what happened.” The women mumbles to someone before replying, “it’s not what you thinks happening, go back home and Johnny will explain everything, he’s been with me. That’s all I can say right now.” You bite your lip, “okay ma, I’ll do that.” The relief in her voice is evident, “god bless you lass, goodbye sweetheart.” You hang up the phone and gather your things, begging to be wrong that you didn’t just dump your husband when you misread the situation.

Simon was gone when you walk downstairs so you send him a text, you lock his door and get in the car to start the drive, your heart is hammering the whole drive back. You seemed to hit every red light and it made you antsy, your fingers tapping on the steering wheel and legs shaking up and down. Your car comes squealing into the driveway and you have to break harshly to not hit the back of Johnny’s car in the driveway.

You abandon your bag and rush out the door, knocking on the door furiously, the hardness stings your knuckles, your chest is heaving as you see the door open, lowering your hand, to which your knuckles are red and aching. Johnny looks a mess when you see him, hair messy and black bags under his eyes, his face is red and puffy. His blue eyes are dull as he steps to the side to let you in. The first thing you see is the note on the table and alcohol bottles empty beside the note.

“I’ll help ye pack if ye need some help.” The ache that stops your heart from beating is severe at Johnny’s voice. You turn to him and sit him down on his couch, “I’m not here to pack Johnny, I’m here to talk. I wanna know what’s going on, okay? No more secrets.” Johnny’s body loosens from its tense position and he sighs, “you ain’t goin to believe me.” You put a hand on his thigh and his eyes jerk to look at the touch you’re providing, his eyes watering at the bareness of your ring finger. “I’ll believe you Johnny.” You assure softly. “I asked ma to teach me how to bake.” Your eyebrows pinch together as you frown, why would he hide that from you. “I wanted it to be a surprise, I’m retired baby, I want to start a family with you. Was gonna bake an apple pie an tell you over dinner, but I ruined it.”

Your heart skips a few beats, retiring, family? He did this for you. You jump into his lap and bury your face into his shoulder, “oh Johnny I’m so sorry,” your voice breaks as you cry. He holds you to him, scared that if he lets go you’ll disappear, “I’ve ruined everything,” you mumble. Johnny shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I didn’t mean for it to seem like I would ever cheat on you. You’re it for me Bonnie.” You laugh through your tears and put your forehead to his, “you’re really retired, and want a family?” Johnny smiles, “with you Bonnie I want it all.” You soon into his lap, kissing him as your hands cradle his face.

“What happened with the apple pie?” You question, he looks around sheepishly, “burnt it.” He looks over his shoulder and points to the apple pie that’s burnt to a crisp on the kitchen bench. “Why don’t I help you make one hm, we can redo this whole thing,” Johnnys soft lips meet yours, moving against them desperately searching for your love. “Deal, but you gotta put this back on,” he pulls your wedding ring from his pocket and your cheeks flush red with embarrassment as he slides it on your finger, the feeling welcome as it hugs your finger comfortably, “please don’t ever take it off.” You look up from the glistening diamonds and into your husbands ocean eyes, “promise Johnny.”

[diadianne]

Post-war Levi ramble + just thoughts in general

I've never posted on Tumblr, so forgive me if this looks weirdly formatted. These are just my thoughts after seeing the little interview Isayama did.

This was mostly sparked by the answer that the Ackermans lost their power, which is somewhat of a bummer to me, but I understand why it happened. I just dislike it when characters lose their powers at the end. Let me clarify: This is not a critique of the show because this show has literally been my obsession for the past year, lol.

Anyway, I got inspired to write this because I saw some people saying that the Ackermans were free from their powers and could be normal humans and therefore happier. I disagree with this because of my opinions on AOT post-war/rumbling.

I do not think Levi lived a happy life post-war/rumbling.

Mental Health

I've had a huge interest in mental health (for whatever reason) since I was younger and, with my past obsession (Modern Warfare II), I got really into learning about veterans, PTSD, etc. I've given presentations and done a lot of research on the topic. But, even without that knowledge, it's very easy to see that Levi has lived a very difficult life, to put it nicely.

I struggle to think that any of the remaining scouts (+ Annie) lived a decent life after. I can hardly imagine the guilt everyone felt after the rumbling. Billions of people died. Not hundreds, not thousands, not millions, billions! Innocent people, children...

Genuinely, how could someone live with that?

Of course, they didn't do it themselves, but there still are some difficult feelings alongside Eren's actions. Someone who was once a comrade/friend.

Levi has completed his purpose. Everyone who fought for the Scouts, who gave their life for the cause, made it possible for this. For Eren to destroy 80% of humanity. Just kidding, but there has to be the question of "Was it worth it? Was all the death worth it?"

"I've saved Eren's life over and over. Many of my comrades died each time. And, this is where that belief has gotten me. It's like some awful joke. Just what was that hope did we look forward to? All that hardship leads to this farce?"

Levi is questioning it all after having his hand forced to kill more of his comrades who had been turned into Titans. Even without Eren being their "hope" anymore, there was a purpose to stop Eren, a purpose to get revenge for Erwin, a purpose to protect his friends/comrades, etc.

I suppose I'm just genuinely wondering how someone could live with that level of guilt and loss. He lost everyone that really knew him. I think it is nice he stays (or at least is not alone) with Gabi, Falco, and Onyankopon, but that will never be the same as Erwin or Hange.

He went from having such a hard, busy, and difficult life to that all being done with. I think as wonderful as it sounds, it is probably hard to cope with that change. There are no more distractions.

Loss of Powers

I think Levi prides himself on being useful and strong because he had to be his whole life. He was "taken care of" by Kenny for a bit. Kenny, as seen, was very power-hungry and I am certain he definitely pushed those ideas onto Levi. Not saying that Levi is power-hungry, but maybe it pushed him to value his strength a lot. He had to be strong.

"Stay in bed? If I lie down any longer, you shits are gonna forget all about me."

I am sure more scenes would give examples of this, but I am going to stick with this one. In short, I believe that Levi, who has always been valued for his strength, would have a difficult time living with his new "weakness," especially with his leg damaged, lack of eye, and two missing fingers.

Post-war Climate

Yeah, sure. "Peace." The ending shows that there were still tensions, therefore war, and then death. A repeating cycle of hate. I mean, killing 80% of humanity? It was 1000000% easier to call the Eldians devils. Now, those devils have no power or "threats" to keep others away. The tensions inside of Paradis must have been insane as well.

Even if the destruction of Paradis happened 80-100 years after the rumbling (I'm not sure of the actual time), I doubt with every fiber of my being that things were just "chill" after the rumbling.

So... no, I doubt he lived a peaceful life. A peaceful life where tensions are high with the remaining bits of humanity, the world, and many of its resources, culture, and history are destroyed, and he is unable to do anything about it.

As an American, I relate it to the experience of being a citizen. It genuinely feels like watching something go horribly wrong but you cannot do anything about it because you're too exhausted trying to keep yourself alive and well. But, this is a rant about post-war AOT so I'm not going to go into American politics/issues lol.

I shortened my thoughts a bit because I get way too into topics. I hope this doesn't come out jumbled and makes some sense. I definitely need to rewatch season 4 (I just keep stopping after three because it makes me sad lol).

I want Levi to live a peaceful and happy life, but, in my personal opinion, I do not believe he did or could. If he did, he definitely has the title of "Humanity's Strongest" for a reason.

[prettygirlstothefloor]

Cowboy Carter Review

sorry if i write a lot. i like to yap lol

Ameriican Requiem- i'm a huge sucker for a sitar so i was gripped in from the beginning. i grew up on country music (mainly 90s/early 2000s) and so when she showed up at the CMAs and performed with the chicks it was a childhood dream. but as a person who liked country music around the time 9/11 happened, it's only become even more racist since. the way they treated her that night even though she was one of, if not THE, best performer of the night was so upsetting to watch. even as the best artist on the planet, at the top of her game, she's always going to work a million times harder than any of her peers. i'm so proud of her being able to make a song like to this to put her thoughts out on the whole night that night.

Blackbiird- obviously everyone has heard this song before. i was unaware of the actual backstory to the song since i don't follow the beatles too much (i like george harrison but that's about it lol). i was not aware that the song the song was written for black women during the civil rights movement. i assumed the song was mainly written by john lennon who to my knowledge was kind of a grifter when it came to his activism. having this song come right after ameriican requiem is so poetic.

16 Carriages- shockingly i was able to avoid hearing this song in full until tonight. i tend to only do one single per release and so texas hold em was the one. this song is so heartbreaking because i think about all the kids in the entertainment industry who can probably relate to this song all too well

Protector- these songs she makes for her kids... i'm gonna need her to stop. not because they're bad but i straight up can't listen to blue and probably this song because i want a mom like this 😭

My Rose- i hate that this is an interlude. it's so beautiful and not to be dramatic should've been 10 hours long

Smoke Hour • Willie Nelson- idk what to say about this one lol

Texas Hold 'Em- i love this song. the only problem i have with it is it sounds too clean. like the production sounds too clean. maybe it sounds better on the radio where the quality is lower than streaming but its definitely a song that needs to be played not so isolated.

Bodyguard- there's something in this song. she channeled carole king for this on or something. it's so good instantly a top 20 if not top 10 song of hers through her whole discography.

Dolly P- once again idk what to say about this one its too short to say anything

Jolene- i mean i think the same way about her version as i do about dolly's version. why are we getting mad at these women when we should be getting mad at the men?? take away that beyonce is beyonce for a second. if she was a normal lady and this girl was unaware her man was taken, isn't that more on him than anyone? he's letting it happen.

Daughter- her voice in this song is insanity. the control she has is unmatched truly.

Spaghettii- the beat omgggg. i know this would hit so hard in a mashup with "my house" i'm obsessed.

Alliigator Tears- just from hearing snippets of the country music that's on the radio nowadays, i think this might be one of the few songs from this album that they will eat up. i'm not saying that as a diss at all. i love this song alot especially after a second listen.

Smoke Hour II- i guess i can add on here a random tid bit. i made a country playlist in preperation for the album to come out. i made it on valentine's day. tell me why i named it KNTRY. i didn't even know the "radio station" she has on the album was called that lol.

Just for Fun- i don't listen to lana del rey anymore. i had a small time during last year where i did but then she got real messy again and signed that letter thanking joe biden. that being said this song sounds identical to "norman fucking rockwell". which is a compliment because both are good songs. keep jack antonoff away from beyonce though. that's the good thing about beyonce is she doesn't sound like everyone else which he makes everyone do (yes i am a fan of him but i'm critical of his production lol)

II Most Wanted- i'm sorry i've never been a fan of miley cyrus (except for the song she did for black mirror and that one EP she put out). i want to like this song because i like aspects of the song but it being a miley cyrus song with a beyonce feature is not want i want.

Levii's Jeans- this is also a collab i'm not a fan of. i actually enjoy post malone but i would've liked to see them in a more upbeat song.

Flamenco- idk how to take this song. it's stunning as usual. my thoughts on the lyrics though is she's kinda talking to fans maybe like the OG like destiny's child fans who have started to leave because she's starting to experiment more with her sound and they miss her old sound. i would love to know her take on this song in particular. because i know so many artists who decide to change their sound throughout each release are terrified of losing fans because they're so stuck on a certain sound.

The Linda Martell Show- another one i can't say much on since it's an interlude

Ya Ya- now.... remember what i said about bodyguard??? easily top 10. idk where on my ranking but it's there. the interpolation of "these boots were made for walking" and "good vibrations". there's something about that old soul rock sound that gets me every single time. i know that it doesn't sound anything alike but "freedom" has that same vibe, where it takes alot from old 60s blues soul rock. this is gonna hit so good on tour!

Oh Louisiana- i will say i really like this interlude. second favorite out of the ones with actual music

Desert Eagle- another song she chose to make extremely short when it should've been hours long... come on B

Riiverdance- its a fun and cute song. i think the beat is good but i think i like it more on my first listen.

II Hands II Heaven- i'm hoping this will finally click for me. im seeing everyone really love this song but idk whats not clicking for me. i'll definitely keep listening to it though maybe someday.

Tyrant- someone said this is the thique of cowboy carter and yeah i can definitely hear it. it's a sexy song and it's a fun song. definitely like it alot more after a second listen

Sweet • Honey • Buckiin'- her sampling "i fall to pieces" in this song is so special to me. i do want someone to take this "honey" and add it to the end of pure/honey though i wonder if it would sound any good. i think sweet and buckiin are the best songs out of the three of these.

Amen- i love how this really rounds out the album, calling back to the first song. it feels and is a very emotional song. don't know if i'll go back to it only because i think it could make me cry lol

overall, i think it's a solid album. if we're comparing the acts, which idk how you can because they're two distinctly different sounds, i would probably still go with renaissance but there's still so many solid songs on this album that are now some of my top faves. usually i rate out of 10 but it feels too low tbh, so i'm rating it out of 100. it will definitely grow on me just like renaissance did. 89/100.

[crystallizedkingdoms]

Haiii sie & johann *passes by* thank you very much for your kind words (I think in general besides art, your comments are a joy ^_^) OUT of curiosity what’s your writing process like when it comes to Yiik (How you deconstruct these guys in your work is something I definitely envy HA,..)

HAIII FOX :3 nice to see you <3 i will gladly tell you all about it i have been Dying to talk abt how i write yiik bc honestly, my fics for this game have been among my favourite to write! i might even have to put this under a read more lol

SO okay heres the thing. it helps to separate the story of YIIK into layers of reality. my personal layers (because god knows other people interprets it differently): there is Alex’s Reality (the story of YIIK taken completely as factual, delusions and lies and all. the year is 1999), and there’s the Outsider’s Reality (strip away all of Alex’s delusions and try to find what really happened. Michael being years older than Alex and moving away is here. the year is 2016). theres also the 4th wall which is self-explanatory.

so with these layers, there is no really hard line between any of them, including the 4th wall. it’s damn near impossible to ever truly tell how much of the characters we know is part of which reality, especially the Outsider’s Reality. we’ll likely never know Vella’s true name, how Rory actually interacted with Alex, what Michael really thought of Alex. the game of YIIK itself is riddled with allusions to other media that can only be pieced together understood by us the players, and never the characters themselves.

but here’s the thing: it doesn’t really matter. When i write fics and deconstruct their character, i either pick one layer of reality to strongly settle in (december came too fast is settled in Alex’s Reality while the thing about explorers is: is settled in Outsider’s Reality) or i heavily oscillate and obscure the two, similar to how YIIK the game itself mixes both (both my Michael fics deal heavily in that territory).

When you’ve got that fundamental setting built, that’s how you can strongly probe how the characters react to each other and what theyre feeling inside. for example, Alex in his Reality is everything he wants and fears to be, and by god he acts like that. He’s snarky and self-centred, but he also has the mask of a Hero and a video game world that he can hide behind, so there’s a sense of untouchability to him. No matter what, he knows he’s going to be okay, if miserable.

But when i take him out of that reality and into the Outsider’s Reality, where he’s just a helpless kid with a broken family and broken friends, he can’t be the same. Unlike in his Reality where he can try to ignore and bend things out of existence, in Outsider he can’t. hes forced to confront his feelings for Michael and forced to confront his hatred for his sister (obligate nestling soroicide). It traps him. and trapped characters are the easiest to dissect.

Trapping the characters in YIIK is easily the best way to dissect them for me, because what is the game if not a trap? It’s Alex’s trap for everyone around him, including himself. So i explore that trap in a million different ways. Alex trapped in his reality. Rory trapped in grief for his sister, or trapped in a relationship with Alex. Claudio trapped in the chase for his brother, Claudia trapped in the expectation of mourning. All the different ways they react when they are trapped/free play off each other really well.

Anyways, the last and most personal point to me is the 4th wall, and specifically the use of allusions. YIIK is so open and proud about the fact it takes from different media to add and enhance the story, and while I’ve always let my other interests play a part in my fics (song lyrics as titles my beloved), YIIK’s openness to using other stories as blocks for the characters lets me do that with a billion times more confidence than any other fandom. if Alex can be Don Quixote, then he can be Marvin/Christopher Columbus from In Trousers, he can be a cuckoo bird. Rory and Vella can be Orpheus and Eurydice. Michael can be all the dogs in every poem, and he can be the New World.

tangential to the above i also just get really fucking loose and silly with it. Rory drowned his sister in a water well (which is physically impossible) because he believes it, so it is true now. Michael has a leash on his neck because that is what he’s feeling. Rory hooks up with the personification of Death as an allegory for his suicide because isn’t that weird and fucked up? (haven’t posted that one yet but its coming)

ACTUAL LAST POINT I PROMISE: it also really really helps to first understand the character at face value before deconstructing them. that sounds obvious as fuck but Trust Me it’s harder to really study who the character we see first is before we make any assumptions on what the hell is going on inside of them. Studying their speech/reactions/physical body language is something that really helps, and I’ve been procrastinating working on a guide for it.

anyway uhhh sorry for the essay. thank you for the question and if you wanna know anything specific/talk more abt it just shoot me another ask or a dm ^_^

[jacqulinetan]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged!!!! thank you @ursae-minoris-world, you're truly so so kind to think of me.

I'll be real honest, I'm only on tumblr very intermittently and I don't really know how to use the platform at all. I'm scared that my formatting will be really messy and make people angry if I put a wall of text on their feed. So hopefully I figure out how to do the jump cut. But I just finished a fic so it's very fun to do one of these and talk about my writing. And I always like to see other people too, so I thought, hey I will give it a shot. Here's the questions:

How many works do you have on ao3? Right now I just finished my 74th work on ao3! Fifty four of those are vld, twenty four are sheith proper

2. What's your total word count on ao3? 993,716 words. I'm set to hit a million this year, I think!

3. What fandoms do you write for? LOL can you believe it? We're still loving Mr. Keith Voltron in the glorious year of our lord 2024

4. What are your top five fic by kudos? Oh well, my sk friends aren't going to be impressed--- my kl fics always take top spots for kudos and bookmarks. I attribute this not to talent or popularity but just because that side of the fandom has a much wider reach. For the sake of the questionnaire, I'll answer properly, in order: 'it's you that's haunting me' takes the top spot by a wide margin at 2,591 kudos to date. 'that mullet, etc' is currently at 1,788 kudos, and after that it's 'cross my heart,' 'swapping out silence,' and 'things that go bump in the night.'

5. Do you respond to comments? I do! for me, one of the best parts of fic is the community between authors and their audience. For the majority of my fandom life I've considered myself more of a reader than a writer, so I really treasure it when I leave a comment and an author responds. It's so special. As an author, I do respond to every comment, though sometimes it takes me a long time. I'm always so impressed that people are not only reading my words but digesting them and thinking on them too. It's wild to me. A very precious gift.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh, my friend, that fic is yet to come. the wip I've got on my closest back burner has a real humdinger of an angsty ending. I'm excited about it. hmmmm if I had to answer now.....I'm not sure! usually I'm a happy ending kind of girl

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? well well well, now I have to answer this one properly don't I? Are we thinking happiest like 'biggest emotional pay off for the reader'? Or happiest like 'Keith is wildly happy' by the end? I think 'heart nailed open' has a very good emotional pay off (though I wrote it so perhaps I can't judge too well on behalf of the reader). If I am really thinking, in which fic is Keith truly the happiest he could ever be by the end...well, I try always to make Keith happy but, in 'the whole story' he has everything he could ever want AND a very nice couch.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not routinely. I did, actually, get a very nasty comment on a fic in 2023 and it legitimately hurt my feelings. Made me feel like I should not be writing at all, actually. But, can you believe it? Friends came out of the woodwork-- people I rarely talk to, even-- and jumped in my comments section and really defended me. like, I really had all kinds of people on my side, defending me! So that meant a lot to me, and I was honestly so surprised, and I'd like to give every one of those friends the kindest hand press because I really did feel very taken care of in the aftermath.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh, I don't know! I have plenty of E rated fics but I don't know if I will ever master a true PWP. to me, the sex scenes I write are not so original or exciting, nothing to really write home about lol. I'm not a fan of publicly being negative about my stuff, so I will simply say that I wish I could write some really off beat toe curling wild kink, but it's probably just not my personality to do so LOL

Is this getting really long?? should I be embarrassed ? should I close the tab and never think on this again? hmmm no

10. Do you write cross overs? Cross overs with what, my dear? There's only one Keith

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Oh I think 'it's you that's haunting me' strolled on over to wattpad or some such site without my permission back in the day, but I've never really looked into it. What I don't know cannot hurt me, right? I highly doubt that there's been some crazy highway robbery for perfchan words.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I don't think I have! But I did have someone ask to record a podfic for one of my stories, and I was so flattered and thrilled!!!!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope! I don't have much interest in this, I am very shy about my writing and I fear I would be too cagey to be a very good collaborator.

14. what's your all time favorite ship? Keith x Being Loved and Cherished the Way He Ought to Be

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? (covers face) I don't have any unfinished WIPs.... it's not in my Type A personality to leave things undone.....

16. What are your writing strengths? This is something to really ponder!!! What /are/ my strengths!!! huh!!! well. I figured out early on that my favorite things to write are atmospheric and setting heavy -- both my most popular fic (it's you that's haunting me) and my most personally beloved fic (heart nailed open) have this in common: they have a lot of detail about the setting, and a lot of effort put into ~vibes~ of the story. so I think, if I could be self indulgent and chose which writing bits I'm good at, it's that type of thing. I really like crafting a scene you can settle into with all of your senses

17. what are your writing weaknesses? too many to list!!! I very often read my own writing and I always enjoy it (I wrote it for myself afterall) but sometimes I wonder....why did I spend so long on this particular bit? I think I am not very good at making a story tight. I wish I could master the art of being able to 'trim the fat' so to speak, really be precise with the story, but I simply don't have the chops! I can never understand how to make it better than I already have! perhaps if I keep writing long enough, I will get better at this

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? this question would really open up a can of worms on the kl side of the fandom LOL. I will admit it, I've had Lance speak spanish a time or two. I don't speak spanish myself so in those rare instances I have been VERY careful to keep things straightforward and try really really hard to not be cringe worthy to native speakers

19. First fandom you wrote for? the first thing I posted online was a USUK fic in a hetalia LJ comm. I can distinctly remember the first time I ever read a fic with *there was only one bed* (it was usuk) and WHEN I TELL YOU MY EYES WERE OPENED. I was forever changed on that day. of course I wanted to try my hand at writing after that

20. Favorite fic you've written? You would ask me to chose a favorite of my children!!! Oh! I simply could not!!! No, seriously, it's 'heart nailed open.' I love that fic

This got so long !!!!!! I can't imagine anyone reading all this !!!!!!!! but omg if you did thank you!!!!!! I'm shy about tagging people in the best of times, and like I said at the very beginning, I am very very shaky on tumblr etiquette, so I had better not tag anyone. but if my friends enemytosleep or grem or kacy or monday happen to see this, I would be very excited to read your responses!!! okay bye!!

[the-void-writes]

“you’re so pretty when you lie to me”

Hello hello friendo 💖 So we were talking about writing more unhinged stuff, and thanks to you I managed to develop Aphelion’s awfulness more lol. Thank you so much for the motivation and inspo, and I hope this isn’t too unhinged 😅

For All Eternity - The Moon King’s Madness

Summary: Paradise Era— Will has been taken by King Aphelion Sapphirus, a Celestial who hates humanity. His delusions have convinced him that any Freak with strong enough powers are Celestials trapped in mortal forms, so he makes it his job to set them free through fatal methods.

WC: 3K

TW: Many descriptions of body horror (both shapeshifting and a vivisection). Also if you don’t like reading about people being held prisoner, or violent and manipulative love interests, then this isn’t for you.

Days flew by so fast that Will couldn’t tell them apart anymore. He would wake up in that miserable bedroom, with the view of freedom a million miles below him, and the minutes would blur together after that. Feasts with the Celestials, tours around the palace that he was meant to share, hours strapped to a table in the darkness as the god that claimed to love him tried time and time again to cut through his mortal cage and release his cosmic spirit…

Aphelion’s singular glowing eye pierced the darkness, the only part of him that Will could see, aside from the blazing hot blade in his hands. His voice scratched the inside of Will’s head, drowning out the ringing in his ears.

“I know it hurts,” he said. “You’re doing so well, my dear. If I can just get through this section of veins…”

The blade hit Will’s skin once more, filling his nose with the smell of burnt flesh. His throat was already raw from screaming, made worse by the waves of energy that tore through him. It was his body’s natural defense mechanism— His years with Vesely had taught him that.

Starlight cut clean down the center of his chest. The air touched his open skin with the grace of an old friend. Finally, the cutting stopped, and Aphelion waited anxiously. This was the moment of truth for all his hard work and research. If all went to plan, Will’s “Celestial soul” would at last be free.

That was when Will felt his insides shift. Dozens of little growths stretched and connected like the threads of an old doll. They twisted and pulled, and in no time at all, Will had been stitched back together. His saving grace, Vesely’s Infection— it wouldn’t let him die. He was too good of a host.

The air grew thick and warm as Aphelion threw the blade into the darkness. His yell shook the entire room.

“DAMN YOU, CURSED PARASITE!”

Tears ran down Will’s face. He had never been more thankful to be sick. His whole body flinched as he felt Aphelion’s large hand cradle his head, still invisible in the darkness.

“Forgive me, my darling… I’ve failed you.”

There were several long footsteps, and then he was gone. Will cried in the dark for what felt like forever before a group of Aphelion’s glowing handmaidens came to collect him. He didn’t remember the trip back to his room, only the spinning in his head and the feeling of bile rising in his ruined throat.

Finally, he was back in his bed. The handmaidens finished cleaning the new scar on his chest, and left him to recover in his room for the rest of the night. They never said a word to him, perhaps out of fear of the king. Aphelion had a bizarre temperament when it came to Will. He was as soft as possible around the small mortal, but if anyone else showed interest in him, the moon god had no trouble disposing of them. According to the sparse whispers of other Celestials, Aphelion had devoured one of their kind for daring to look at Will for longer than a minute.

The mattress consumed Will as he laid down and watched the stars outside. If someone had told him as a boy that he would one day be sickened by the sight of the cosmos, he would have thought them insane. His hopes and dreams of exploring the galaxy, flying among stardust, discovering new worlds and species… All of it was squandered each time Aphelion took his wretched scalpel to Will’s chest.

He tried to take this brief moment of peace to think, but his mind had been reduced to a handful of thoughts: hating Aphelion, missing Dante, and praying for death to finally claim him, to reunite him with his family. All he wanted was an end to the torture.

His heart dropped as he heard the door open. He leapt up and leaned against the bedpost, hoping he had enough energy to run to the washroom and lock it before the handmaidens could grab him. He was only due for one ritual a week, that was what Aphelion swore to him, the one promise Will trusted him to keep. Vesely’s Infection put his body through too much stress, so Aphelion had to stop and let him recover. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Will before he could be free. As horrifically misguided as he was, there was indeed a part of him that loved the young Divine.

Will’s heart sank further down as a pale, crooked hand pushed the door open carefully. Aphelion’s human disguise was far from perfect. He was thoroughly disgusted by humanity, so his understanding of appearance and proportions were approximations, at best. Discolored patches of skin were hastily sewn together, sagging and twisting around a nonexistent skeletal form. Space dust and starlight shifted under the skin, churning like water beneath his cosmically-decorated hanfu. He towered over Will, whose height just barely reached where the Moon King’s ribs would be. Pale pink hair hung perfectly within a series of hairpins, pulling it tight enough to stretch the corners of his face. It was a mockery of a human being, a suit that was designed purely to give him more time with Will.

“Ah, you’re awake.” His voice still shook inside Will’s head, with the underlying discomfort of nails scratching glass. “How are you feeling?”

“Do I have to go back?” Will asked, struggling to stand upright and not fall back into the preferable softness of the bed.

Aphelion smiled and mustered an unpleasant laugh. His eyes flickered with what Will assumed was warmth. They were less eyes, per say, and more two distant stars floating in the darkness that hid under the god’s human suit. Will could see the hollow sockets behind the light, two miniature universes peering out at him.

“We’re done, I promise you. Until we can figure out how to destroy this parasite, I’m afraid we’ll have to put the ritual on hold.”

Will let his shoulders fall as he tried to smother his relief. The last thing he wanted to do was give his host— his captor— a reason to continue his work.

“Please forgive me, my dear,” Aphelion said, confusing his silence with disappointment. “I know it’s insufferable, but by the end of it all, you’ll be free.”

“I’ll be dead, sir. I’m not a god.”

“You don’t truly believe that, do you?” Aphelion moved forward carefully, sweeping his legs like a peacock unsure of its steps. “If you were anything as simple and lowly as a human, you would never have survived this long. Your sickness, your isolation, the years of abuse from your father—”

“Don’t talk about him,” Will spat.

Aphelion smiled. “Forgive me, I know it’s a sensitive subject. We can talk about something else.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

The god’s smile faltered. Will braced himself for a swift mood swing, for the handmaidens to come barreling in and pull him back into the ritual room, but that moment never came. The fear in waiting seemed more unbearable than the pain itself.

“I understand your frustrations, you know.”

Will raised his eyebrow. “Do you?”

“You’re displeased with me. I disgust you.” He raised his hand up. “Please, I get it. These human forms are so limiting and fragile.”

“What?” Will shook his head. “I don’t hate your… appearance.”

The god chuckled to himself. “You don’t have to pretend. It makes me nauseous just putting it on.”

“Then why do it?”

“For you, of course. If I can’t free you yet, then I’ll bind myself in this prison of flesh. Anything to see you and make you happy.”

Will wasn’t quick enough to stop himself. “I was already happy with my friends— with Dante. He was my home.”

Tears stabbed the corners of his eyes. He missed Paradise so terribly, even the noise and the parties that never seemed to end. He missed sleeping in with the love of his life and heading out for lunch together before retreating back home to avoid the crowds. After years of heartbreak, Will had finally found peace, and it was taken away from him for the third time in his life.

He pushed himself into the bedpost as Aphelion stepped closer, trying and failing to avoid the clawed hand running through his hair.

“It truly pains me to see you this distraught,” Aphelion said. “A man like that was never worth your time. He never even came up to see you.”

“Because you won’t let anyone up here!”

“But he never even bothered to ask for you. What monster would abandon the supposed love of his life?”

Will shut his eyes and tightened his fists. He knew Dante better than that. This was a man who had gone into a heist with a fatal fever, all for the sake of the kids in his neighborhood. If he hadn’t come to bargain for Will, it was because he was planning something. Dante would never abandon him. He wasn’t like Dan…

“If your heart still aches for him,” Aphelion said, “perhaps I can assist with that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Watch, my dear.”

There was a sick popping noise, and Will watched as the moon king’s long form shrank and twisted. The discolored skin grew dark, and his long pink hair turned black and curly, until Will was looking at his love again, at his Dante. It was his beautiful smile, his golden scars from the Infection… but the glowing yellow eyes belonged to Aphelion, and the skin around his face was still pinched tight.

“What do you think?” he asked in Dante’s low, smooth voice. “It’s so much easier when you have a base to work off of. Is this better for you? Not as repulsive?”

Will fell back onto the bed, unable to speak. It was wrong, it was so sickeningly wrong. He could barely shake his head. Aphelion read the look in his eyes and shrugged.

“That’s alright. Mister Briggs isn’t exactly my style, anyway. How about something simpler?”

With the snap of his fingers, his fake skin shifted and snapped into plastic. Cold joints and wires mocked the human muscular system, until Will was face-to-face with the android he had once fallen for. It was a perfect replica of Dan, save for his sick yellow eyes. A mixture of longing and anger stung his chest.

“How?” Will asked. “How the hell do you know what he looks like?!”

“I saw him in your dreams.” His voice box crackled just as Dan’s did, but Aphelion’s tone still seeped through like poison. “I didn’t mean to wander in there, but your thoughts were deafening.”

“You— You were in my head?”

“Yes, and I saw how terribly he treated you. The real Daniel was a fool. We could start over, now that your mind is intact. I can be what he never could.”

Will clenched his teeth. “I don’t want to start over.”

“Fair enough, my dear. He’s a tad too numb for my taste.”

The android’s casing melted off of Aphelion’s starlit body, quickly covered by a new layer of dark skin. Glowing, predatory eyes shone through the glasses that now rested on his broad nose. Thick, coiled hair sprouted from the top of his head. Will’s stomach wrenched violently at the sight of Aphelion, whose cosmic form rippled under Colin’s skin, glowing like magma.

“Your first love. You cared deeply for him, from what I remember.”

Will practically stumbled against the bed frame, fighting the urge to be sick. He had almost forgotten how soft-spoken and gentle Colin was, but he knew these drawn-out sentences weren’t his. Colin spoke quickly and to the point, and furthermore, he never watched anyone with a look as predatory as that of the moon god. Will refused to look at Aphelion until he was back in his own ragged skin.

“Nothing?” he asked. “Is it the boy’s age? I know he looks young, but I’ve been alive for centuries, Will. There’s no harm done.”

“That’s sick, Saph— Sick in the head.”

“You were in love with him, yes? It could be as though he never left you.”

“You think I want that? You think I’m going to fall in love with you because you’re wearing my old boyfriend like a fucking ballgown?!”

Aphelion tapped a clawed finger against his chin, with all the casual grace of a man pondering his plans for dinner. He closed his eyelids limply over the hollow sockets. Will’s head buzzed and his stomach twisted— the god was reading his thoughts. It was so much worse compared to the warm cloud that would surround his mind whenever Dante read from him. Aphelion’s power felt as though someone was taking a fork to his mind and scooping out the insides.

“Ah,” the god said, “I’ve found something better.”

His body snapped and jerked, and for a while, Will couldn’t see much of a difference in his appearance. He was still tall and pale, still wriggling under false skin. His nose seemed longer, and his eyes were larger and rounder, but nothing too drastic had changed.

Then his pink hair grew darker, a deep wine color turning into dark cherry. Now, it was a near perfect match, like an old photograph that had just been misplaced in the wash, elongating all of the features. The only pieces missing were the snow-colored eyes.

“How is this?” His soft voice pierced Will’s heart. “Barely even a change, right? He’s perfect.”

Anger burned through Will’s body, powered by the sickness in his veins. In the blink of an eye, he lunged at Aphelion, pushing him to the ground.

“GET OUT OF HIS BODY!” Will screamed. “RIGHT NOW!”

A wave of energy burst from his throat as he yelled, cracking the floor below Aphelion’s head. The moon king struggled to gain his bearings.

“Will— please calm down!”

Will’s throat burned as he cried. He could still see Jason’s cold, stiff, colorless face as he laid still in his grasp. Blood and feathers and bullets littered the floor around them. The more he remembered, the further his powers forced the god into the tile work.

“This is for you,” Aphelion said, fighting through his chokehold. “You loved him, and they took him from you. I can bring him back to you, it’s no problem for me—”

“GET OUT!”

“Don’t tell me it’s not true! Don’t tell me you don’t love him, I’ve seen it! You love him so much, you wish you had died instead!”

Aphelion struggled in his grasp— Jason struggled, terrified of the man looming above him. An expression he never wanted to see on his godfather… Will quickly released his powers and backed up against the bedpost, leaving Aphelion to catch his breath— How could a god like him even breathe?

Will curled up on the floor, holding his head in his hands. He longed for the ritual, for the scalding blades that cut his chest open, anything other than this.

“Dearest,” Aphelion said, still in his stolen voice, “you’re hurting so much. I don’t blame you.”

Will refused to speak. A clumsy claw ran through his hair, and he was too tired, too frightened, to push it away.

“You shouldn’t have to suffer anymore. I can stay like this for you, until we can finally set you free. It’s easy, really. You don’t have to repress your emotions. I’m all yours, however you want me.”

Those words, in that voice, were the push Will needed to slap Aphelion back onto the floor, hard enough to force him back into his original skin. Aphelion was speechless, grazing his fingers over his reddened cheek. Will’s stare could have shot clean through the Celestial.

“I hate you,” he said. “I hate everything about you. I don’t want to love you, and it’s not because of how you look. You can’t just hide behind the faces of people I loved. It will never change what you are— vile and wicked and cruel.”

Will rose to his feet before Aphelion could reach him. He stumbled towards the door, not at all concerned with where he was going or who would follow him. He just wanted to leave.

“Will—”

“Don’t you ever use my father’s face again. You don’t understand him, or what he meant to me. Stay out of his skin, or I swear on my life, I will find a way to kill you.”

Whatever had motivated him to stand up to Aphelion died the moment the god picked himself up off the ground and snatched Will’s wrist.

“Kill?” His voice shook the walls. “You think you can kill me with that broken little body? After everything I’ve done for you?!”

Will shielded his face in a way he hadn’t done since he was a young boy, cowering at the brutality of his birth father. He waited for the snap of a bone or the sting of a fist, but nothing came. When he opened his eyes, Aphelion looked mortified. He released Will’s hand slowly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “My darling, I’m so sorry.”

Will avoided his pleading eyes. “Leave, please.”

“Of course.”

Aphelion slinked out of the room, and when his weak footsteps could no longer be heard, Will ran to the washroom and locked himself inside. He let his tears mix with the warm water in the sink, porcelain cracking under his hand as he gripped the edges, tighter and tighter until his fingers started to bleed.

He couldn’t live like this, teetering the edges of both his and Aphelion’s rage. If he could only convince his Infection to seek a new host, or give up completely, then he could find a way to die before the moon king got his hands on him again…

Will slapped himself with his own bruised hand. You jackass, he thought, you can’t give up. You’ll leave Dante all on his own. He took a breath and treated his hand with medicine from the cabinet. Get a hold of yourself, find a way out of here, and don’t stop until you’re back in his arms.

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.